Changes

 Once again I am faced with the same predicament as I was previously - how much do I share on a public blogging site? I have deliberated this a lot recently and decided to keep this section of my post short and sweet.

 I will briefly fill you in on the recent trip I took to Tenby for training. I hadn't been to Tenby since that fateful day in September last year so was unsure of the emotions that could overwhelm me. It took a mammoth 6 and a half hours to get there by which time I was quite irritable and after a little cry after crossing the Severn Bridge, quite emotional. Crossing into Wales was a poignant moment of reflection for me. As soon as I stepped out of the car and saw the beauty of Tenby with the sun shining down any bad emotions were put aside. Yes this place holds many memories, good and bad; the place I became an Ironman and the place I lost Rosie. However, for those reasons it is also a place I cherish. Dan was with me on this trip and we booked into our hotel and were wowed by our room with a view.

Nice view to wake up to

Posing by the harbour before dinner

The Ironman Wales swim location and famous Goskar rock you swim around

I had planned a sea swim at 6pm with a tri club I made friends with down there but didn't make it in time. I was disappointed but decided to refuel and get to sleep. I had a lovely night, shared a bottle of wine and had some amazing food at the best restaurant in Tenby 'The Moorings' (anyone doing Wales book it up!). I spoke to my coach, Mark, who had planned his training holiday, as he is also doing Wales, around when I was going. We arranged to meet the next morning on the beach to do some sea swimming. This would be followed by a tough skills bike session, topped off by a brick run. Mark spent all morning taking pictures of my stroke and painstakingly went through the changes I could make.

Pre swim

Arm out and breathe

Reach

 We all had a coffee and then I got ready for our ride. Mark took me up and down some of the most feared climbs around Tenby - including Heatbreak Hill and one I recall from last year being the worst climb I have ever done at an 18% gradient. I expected to be fitter but I really did feel better than last year. Heartbreak Hill didn't seem so bad but then I hadn't done 80 miles before getting there! After my testing ride we went for a short brick run and I quickly got into the pace I aim to do the whole Ironman Wales run in (watch this space for how that goes!). As we rounded along the promenade to the end of our run we imagined we were sprinting down the magic carpet and hearing "You are an Ironman!". For Mark this will be his 37th Ironman but he reminded me that I would beat him at something - I would be a double Ironman Wales finisher - I'll take that! After all of this exercise you can imagine the day had slipped away and it was a quick change to go to dinner, again at 'The Moorings', with Mark and his wife.
 The next morning I had to do an hour's TT along the testing Pembrokeshire countryside. I was actually fearing this the night before. Mark kept an eye on my heartrate and pace and I just span my legs. I managed 29km in that hour which considering the terrain, and the sore throat I began to feel that morning, I was pleased with. We then had a quick transition and got our trainers on. This run was hideous - we were pretty much going vertically along a small stony coastal path - not my best performance but had a nice chat with Mark and it was good to experience the burn and make gains and race plans when coming back down the hill. Wales was always going to be a tactical race - I am not a natural runner and I need to get used to using my grit determination to plod up and then take advantage of the downs. I did 4h50 for my marathon in Tenby last year, that can only get better.

The open road

Made it to Pembroke!

Mid smile ride

Finishing selfie

Off on the run

Taking advantage of the down

Posing on the way up! (for a break)

Finishing selfie!

Thumbs up!

 We all had some lunch again at 'The Moorings' and then got on the long road home. It took 7 hours as well as a break down (in the car) before we got home at a stupidly early time. By this time my sore throat was now a full blown cold and I felt rough. I must've looked a sight as I had tissue stuck up my nose the whole way!

 I had a lovely weekend in Tenby. Training wise it was tough but rewarding and I am so grateful to Mark for patiently and passionately helping me as always. On an emotional level it was comforting to know I can go back to Tenby and see the beauty of the area not just the pain it caused me (especially as I cycled past were we stayed last year as a family). Lastly, it is also a weekend I shall cherish as in the days that followed Dan and I went our separate ways. I am not going to delve into this as it is too raw for us both and also not fair. Within the space of a few days I have made some huge U-turns in how my life was planned out to be. The break down of my 5 year relationship and losing of one of my biggest supporters is heartbreaking. I don't need to explain my emotions but it is obviously painful. Not having him in Wales to support me brings me to tears every time. He would've been the one screaming my time splits out and as he went to every event, no matter how small, he knows what I have to do as well as what I can do. I always craved seeing his face and hearing him push me on, refusing to let me crumble in his arms when everything hurts. I am now relocating permanently near my parents - something I feel I need and want. I have relished being a 10 minute journey away from my family since I moved out alone a month ago. I can pop over for a cup of tea whenever I want. I am also looking forward to spending more time with my nieces and nephew. I have an amazing bond with them all and I want to make that even stronger especially as they are all growing up so fast and I have another nephew on the way in 3 weeks! On another note I also know my baby boy (my pug) Larry will be in safe hands with my family as they have offered to help with the dog sitting when I am on my long 12 hour shifts (which means I am away for 15 hours with my commute). My mum even said she would mow my lawn for me if I am that close so it's not only me who is excited about being closer to my family! Pulling out of the house I fell in love with and the life we had planned and made in Buckinghamshire was, and still is, absolutely devastating but I know all I am doing is best for me, my family, training and to cope with the loss of Rosie. Everything I have gone through in the last 10 months has proved that life can change so quickly - savour every moment.

 On another note, I have decided to pull out of the Outlaw at the end of July. This is an Ironman distance event and although a flat course I have been worried for a while it would be too much for my body to do with Ironman Wales 7 weeks after. I need to peak in Wales in order to even have a shot at qualifying this year and as Lanzarote took so much out of me I cannot risk that slow recovery happening again. This means I can go on my training week to Lanzarote in 10 days without having to worry I am pushing it too much for Outlaw. This was a hard decision for the emotional connection I have to the location; Rosie went to university in nottingham. I was also looking forward to meeting many twitter followers there. On this note, despite my previous frustration with the organisers of Outlaw over their lack of apparent compassion, I owe them a huge thank you - I look forward to becoming an Outlaw one day!

  I want to finish on two final and rather exciting points. Firstly I started my race calender for 2015 by signing up for Ironman Austria next June, which is now sold out. Again, this was a tactical choice. I have chosen a flatter course and am going to focus on getting faster. I have a year to improve my speed and become a runner. Without being pessimistic I need a back up in case Wales this year does not go to plan. Austria is one I have always wanted to do so I have the passion to want to compete there next year and as Wales would qualify for Kona in 2015 this would be a good training race if I do qualify. I am planning on making a European road trip out of this event making it my annual holiday and camping throughout the places I am keen to experience and staying on site of the Ironman. So it'll be a fun holiday for me to prepare for.
 Secondly, I found out on Monday that I have qualified to represent Great Britain at the European Middle Distance Championships in Mallorca in October. I have achieved a dream I never even thought was possible and will have a GB trisuit! Although I can acknowledge this achievement I am not going to get carried away. I will never earn money from triathlon (that dream is just not possible) - it is merely a passion and my hobby. I will wear my earned trisuit in October and then hang it up (possibly even frame it). It will simply be something to tell the grandkids.

Ironman Wales I'm coming!

Bright and smiles :)

For Rosie