The best and worst day of my life

  This post should be the happiest one of them all, however as many may know I was greeted with a family tragedy after crossing the finish line of Ironman Wales. It is for this reason why this post has been delayed and why this will go into more than my Ironman achievement on the 8^th September 2013.

  I shall do my account of my Ironman weekend as best I can.

  Dan and I left for Tenby early on Friday morning. On that long three-hour drive Dan and I set the world to rights and discussed our future. We even discussed our retirement plans! I know it’s too far away for us to really imagine but it consisted of a big stone house in the Brecon Beacons. It was also on that car journey that I found my Ironman song; ‘Don’t Stop Believing’. Although I have heard this song hundreds of time the lyrics and beat seemed to mean a lot more when driving toward my Ironman debut.

  We arrived in Tenby around 10am and headed straight to the expo and registration. The first thing I did was eye up all the merchandise I wanted to get afterwards. It’s a superstitious rule of mine that I cannot buy anything until I have completed the event. The only thing I did buy however was a t-shirt that had every competitors name on the back. I could justify buying this as at the half Ironman these sold out and I could only get a XL so to save my disappointment I had to get it. I then registered which meant I got my big Ironman backpack (totally worth the ridiculous entry fee), which included all my information and the designated transition bags.

My transition bags all ready

  The great thing about getting there a few days beforehand is that I was able to pack my transition bags that night and triple check everything was included. At the half Ironman I was doing this in my car on a wet and windy day, which frustrated me. I could not afford anything to be wrong on the day. We got to the huge manor cottage where my family would be staying around lunchtime. After assessing the place like children by running around all the rooms we suitably picked the biggest one. My brother, sister in-law, youngest nieces and parents were not arriving until later that night and my sister and her family where coming on Saturday. Dan and I then had a nap and went to the gym (I only did some stretches). Before long it was 5pm and we had to head to the Ironman race briefing and pasta party. I have never gone out of my way to go to go to a race briefing before but I found it quite beneficial as everything was made clear and it was a great time to get that race ‘feeling’ (a combination of nerves and excitement). In all honesty the pasta ‘party’ was pretty poor as we only got a small spoonful of pasta, hardly the carb loading I was expecting and we even had to pay extra for Dan. However, we had a laugh and then got back to the cottage where I got my transition bags packed.

  Once we had triple checked everything Dan had a beer and I had a cup of tea by the fire – absolutely perfect (although I would’ve secretly preferred the beer).  My parents arrived at around 10pm with my sisters’ youngest daughter Phoebe. My brother and his family, Linzi and baby Lexi, arrived about 30 minutes later. It was a nice night talking and laughing until I had to slope off to bed. I had an early start as my transition racking started at 9am and I was shattered. I knew I should take sleep when came as I did not know if I would be able to the following night.

  
  When I woke up on the Saturday morning the first thing Dan reminded me of was what I would be doing at that time in 24hrs. At 7am I would be running into the sea! It was at that point I began to feel sick with nerves (thanks Dan!). It was however a gorgeous morning with the sun just beginning to show which meant that fingers crossed it would be the same the day after.

As I was in the first age group this meant I was one of the first to be racking my kit at 9am. Because of this my bike was one of the first to be racked, which unfortunately meant I didn’t get the chance to see much bike porn. However, it was great to not be in a queue or a rush. I had everything sorted in about 10 minutes and it went so smoothly.

My lonely bike in transition

No bike porn here

  I felt prepared as I ever would. Dan and I walked along the beautiful Tenby beach before heading back to the cottage. I had the whole day to chill out with my family.

  I went back to sleep for a while then joined my sister in-law, Linzi and my nieces Lexi and Phoebe at the swimming pool while my brother, Brett and Dan went to the gym. Phoebe stayed with me when Linzi and Lexi got out and it was nice to spend some time answering her questions about my Ironman. As we were walking out of the gym area I bumped into some of the most recent arrivals from my family; my sister, Emma, my nieces Rose and Amber and my nephew, Tom. The first thing Rose and Emma said was how much weight I had lost. Rose also later told Amber she thought I was moody during that conversation. I know that I was a lot quieter and subdued but this was merely because my nerves were getting the better of me. In hindsight though this is an emotion I regret as words cannot express how happy I was to have all my family with me that day. My parents were playing golf with my brother-in-law, Des, but the rest of us spent the rest of the day talking. We all sat around the big 12 person dining table giggling and in turn everyone said how mad I was for doing it. These are some of the moments I shall cherish forever.

  Just before dinner Dan and I went to pick my friend Yuliya up from the train station (she had travelled 5hours from London just to come and watch me). The train didn’t stop at the station she was supposed to get off at so we had to chase the train to pick her up. When we finally managed to get Yuliya off the train and back to the cottage it was time for dinner. I was a little quiet during dinner and honestly wanted people to stop talking about Ironman as it was making me feel sick with nerves. However, that was one of the best dinners I have had. Not only was the food great, the company with which it was shared was THE best. I had all my nearest and dearest with me and as I said at Rosie’s tribute at her funeral, Rose and I had our favourite conversation about our childhood at that dinner. This memory will be the one I shall always cherish.

  After overindulging ourselves in chocolate cake we headed back. I would’ve loved to have stayed up later with my family drinking and chatting but I had a 4am start. I kissed everyone goodnight and I was wished good luck in turn. Rosie’s last words to me were “Good luck Auntie Wobbles. I’m so proud of you. Love you, night night”. I had no idea they would be our last words but I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

  I have always wondered what I would feel like the night before such a big event. Now I know the answer; I can honestly say the anticipation made me feel numb. The whole experience did not feel real; as if I was watching someone else go through the preparations. (My preparations that night were painting my nails in my pink and blue Ironman colour scheme).

Still need to have the nails painted!

  That night I think I even managed a little bit of sleep which I was surprised about. However, when my alarm woke me up at 4am reality hit me. I was up and eating my porridge by 4.30 and as I struggled to eat it all took it with me in the car. We got parked with surprising ease and I wondered into the transition area to put the remaining sweets in the bag on my bike and put my full water bottles on the bike. I then went to the portaloos which were getting increasingly busier with the pre-race nerves kicking in. I am glad I went when I did as the one I ended up in didn’t flush which meant that the nervous shits from competitors was piling up. Not a nice vision but this blog does give an insight into the real side of triathlons! Once that was out of the way I began to put my wetsuit on and then met up with Dan, Yuliya and my parents who waited with me until it was time to do the mass walk down to the swim start at Tenby’s North Beach. Just before I was due to leave I gave my final hugs and everyone had a tears in their eyes. This was it; this was the moment I had been waiting for. Dan knew more than anyone how much training that one moment held and my parents knew how much it meant to me to cross the finish line. As Eminem would say, “One shot, one opportunity”. This was the time to make everything count – the early mornings and late nights training. My commitment to my nutrition and drink. I had 17hours from this moment to make it all count.

  Dan and Yuliya stayed by transition and my parents went to watch the swim. I saw them as I walked down so I knew were to find them when I was running back up the hill towards transition. By the time I had got down to the sea it was 6.50 so the practice swim was almost over. Although I wasn’t particularly fussed about acclimatising or practicing my swim I did need the toilet. So rather subtly, or so I thought, I waded in and relieved myself. Not particularly pleasant but from the heat of the water I don’t think I was the only one with this idea!

  With 5 minutes to go I placed myself in amongst the swimmers, much closer to the front of the pack than the back. At 2 minutes to go they played the Welsh National Anthem and although I’m not Welsh it made me well up so much I had to put my goggles on early to hide my tears. Had that had been the UK National Anthem I would’ve been a mess! God forbid if I ever do Ironman Bolton! The countdown began with 10 seconds to go and then we were off. The splashes of nearly 2000 people hitting the sea in Tenby must’ve been a spectacular sight for my parents even if they couldn’t spot me.

  There was a lot of fighting throughout the swim, particularly in the first lap. The first buoy was a nightmare to turn around due to the congestion. However, although I didn’t feel like I was pushing the pace the first lap seemed to go really quick. I didn’t have my Garmin on for the swim but I heard the race commentator say the number four, which made me think I had done 34minutes, that is my time trial PB. I then heard him call out my name to say I had completed the first lap. I was so pleased as it meant my parents would know how I was doing. I also saw Nicola and her friend in her pink curly wigs on the corner before I ran and jumped in the sea for my second lap. I did the second lap in a slightly slower 37minutes bringing my total swim time to 1h11. I only know this now as I am looking at my time splits but I was happy with my performance at the time and still pleased with that swim time now. The transition from swim-to-bike was tough. I had to run up the steep winding walkway and find my transition bag, which included a spare pair of trainers for the extra 1km run to the transition tent. Considering getting the wetsuit off, putting on trainers, running 1km to the transition tent, changing into cycle gear and grabbing the bike is one transition I was pretty impressed with my 11m20. I’m sure I spent about 8minutes in Wimbleball even when the transition was on the swim site! I managed to see Dan and Yuliya as I went to transition, even if they were shocked to see me so early. I had wanted to be on the bike by 9am latest and was secretly hoping to be on the bike at 8.45am. Imagine my surprised elation when I was cycling at 8.23am! I was exceeding my own seemingly optimistic predicted time splits.

  I cycled past where my family was staying at 8.30am and was cheered on by Amber, Tom, Lexi and Linzi. It has to be mentioned that I asked myself during the rest of the bike ride “was Rosie there?” I swore I saw Rose there in her pink dressing gown, but little did I know. The bike leg was very tough but not as impossible as I had imagined. I wished that the rain would stop pouring but apart from that I managed to get through the difficult climbs I was faced with. There was a section from around mile 50-60 (Carew to Narbeth) which I had to do again at mile 80-90, which was a slog. It wasn’t particularly steep it was just relentless uphill. It was this stretch of road that reminded me of something I read about in Ironman World Champion Chrissie Wellington’s book. She says that it is good to switch off and go into autopilot, sometimes, but you have to remain focused. This was the part of the cycle route that I would switch off and it would only be when I would look at my heart rate monitor and see it had dropped for me to get myself pedaling faster and harder to get back to my 160 desired heart rate.

  The support on the bike route was overwhelming. At a long 16% gradient hill towards the end of the first and second lap there were supporters encouraging and shouting at us to get up. Followed by that there was the deafening support at Saundersfoot – the location of Heartbreak Hill. I was so spurred on to stand up by the crowd I nearly missed Dan and Yuliya right by my side on the hill. By this point on the first lap everything was going perfectly, I was still beating my own wanted time splits.

  However, if something is too good to be true it normally is. At around mile 70, as I was going onto the second lap of 40miles, my left knee was in serious pain. I tried to stand up to get up a steep hill and in the process overtook some men climbing. Then once I was the majority of the way up my knee buckled and the pain was so severe and the movement so sudden it nearly knocked me off my bike. From this moment on I struggled to move my left leg at all – the constant weight and rotation was agony. I had decided to stop at the cottage were my family were, thankfully I decided otherwise. I managed to get a glimpse of my dad as I rode past which I thought odd as I thought he was supporting me in Tenby and although none of my family were supporting me on the side of the road I just assumed I was too early and didn’t think much more to it.

  At mile 75 however, I got off the bike due to the agony I was in. I struggled to even do this without falling. I stretched my legs out and still felt the pain. This was the only point in the whole event I seriously considered quitting. I knew my family hadn’t put any pressure on me to complete and wouldn’t be disappointed or judge me if I did quit but by them all being there I had put myself under pressure to finish. I sat in a field, cried, wet myself (again I’m showing you the harsher side of triathlon) and said a few words to myself. I thought about all my family at the finish line waiting for me with smiles on their faces and I knew I had to continue for them. I could see some marshals in the distance and deliberated getting some ibuprofen from them. However, I worried that if they did not have any they would wait for an ambulance, time I didn’t want to waste. So persistently I carried on and did the rest of the bike with one leg – something that is not easy up 17% gradient hills in Wales (they’re bad enough with both legs!). I had a nice guy who held back to keep me company for a while which took my mind of my knee for a bit until I told him to carry on and we wished each another luck. Dan and Yuliya who were still waiting in Saundersfoot were getting worried as my time splits had dramatically dropped. Dan thought I had fallen off (you can’t blame him given my track record). Their faces showed pure elation and relief when they saw me even if I did then make them worried again by explaining the pain I was in. Once Heartbreak Hill was done I knew I would complete the bike as the rest was downhill into Tenby. The bike was always my most feared discipline as I was worried about the cut-off. I completed the bike in 7h44 which gave me just under 8 hours to do a marathon. I said to myself “I can do this now”.

  My second transition was a mere 4m40. My strategy on the run was to just keep plodding. I knew the run was tough and I knew many people would be sucked into walking up the hill and running down. I wanted to keep going no matter what – even if it felt like I could quick walk faster than my run/jog/plod - I wanted to carry on going. This tactic worked like clockwork and the knee pain I experienced on the bike did not hurt on the run. Furthermore, my strapped up knee for the other ailments in that knee did not bother me at all. I began overtaking some people who had overtaken me on the cycle during my dodgy leg episode. I also began playing a game that a guy at the Tri club had told me about. His daughter competed in a fun run and every time she overtook a boy she would shout 'chicked' to him. The only difference was that I wasn’t shouting ‘chicked’ out loud.

  During the run I was in great spirits and talking to anyone who could or would respond. One of the guys I spoke to had done 13 Ironman’s including all of the feared i.e. Lanzarote and Nice. However, he said that this one was the toughest because the bike course is relentless and the run is just ridiculous. By this point I was on my second to last lap and was on cloud 9. Apart from my own personal pain on the bike I didn’t find it impossible and my high spirits on the run made me ask myself, “Should I be finding this this easy?” Maybe this was a sign that I have more to give and can work on this for next season. However, more importantly it was a sign I had trained well and I had done my nutrition right on the day. I had not burned out and drained myself of energy. Every part of my plan had gone right.

  One woman who annoyed me throughout the marathon had decided to do the walk-run-walk-run method. She would walk as soon as the uphill began and I would jog past her (as my strategy stated). Almost immediately after I had overtaken her she would run past me and this would continue about 3 times per lap. It began to annoy me as she was using me as a marker. However, when I began on my last lap I increased my pace and she did not see me again.

  When I got my last band, which signified I was on my last lap with about 6km of downhill and straights to go I knew I was on the brink of becoming an Ironman and I couldn’t stop smiling. Supporters could also tell when someone was on their last lap as the final band was red. As a woman I had been getting more support than the men as we were in the minority so when the supporters saw a woman with a red band in the relatively quick time they screamed. I had one guy who waited in the same spot and cheered my name on every time I came round. I also had a guy tell me I looked lush and he had a beer waiting for me! But the best support and the faces I wanted to see the most was my own supporters. My parents, Dan and Yuliya were cheering me on without fail. I also have to say thank you to them for keeping strong for me and trying to smile considering the circumstances, I cannot even begin to imagine how tough that was. As hard as it was it was definitely the best decision to not tell me mid race. I had also noticed by this point that the kids and my brother and sister were not there. I think it dawned on me when I was on my third lap something was wrong but nothing too serious. I just thought they had struggled to get down earlier and I assumed they were waiting on the finishing straight.

High5!

  Although I said a woman annoyed me for using me as a marker I cannot say I am innocent as I also use people as competition. On the last lap I was determined to beat a guy in a blue 2XU suit. On the final downhill we were swapping who was at the front and he eventually got in front on the straight. However, the feeling when I turned left towards the esplanade and finishing straight as opposed to right to do another lap was euphoric. I began to sprint and smile uncontrollably. I overtook the guy in the blue 2XU suit (chicked) when I was on the red carpet and left my hand out for anyone to high five it. This was my moment – the one I had been waiting for. I had been trying for a sub 14hr when I saw how close I was on my Garmin but I was more than overwhelmed when I crossed the line in 14.05. My marathon time was 4h54, not much slower than my London Marathon time, which is completely bloody flat!

  My finish time was better than I could have ever imagined. It was an hour before I had predicted myself to finish and was three hours before the cut off. Even without my knee injury I would’ve been pleased with that. I took my medal with pride and had my picture taken. (My medal has since been engraved and will be with Rosie always in her casket - see below). I have been asked so many times since what did it feel like and I think the best word is relief. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted. I was euphoric when I turned the corner onto the magic carpet (called magic because all pain disappears) and then I just felt a huge sense of relief. It was as if everything was OK now, I had done it. 

The relief!

Don't think I can show more teeth

  However, the relief and smiles were short lived as when I got out of the finishing chute I knew there was something wrong. I hadn’t seen the kids on the finishing straight and they weren’t anywhere near us. Mum just said she would tell me at the car. I rushed through the finishing section, got my transition bags, bike, finishers t-shirt and a slice of pizza in quick speed. Although I knew my supporters were proud and told me so, everyone was very somber. It was when we were at the car that my mum told me that Rosie; my beautiful 19-year-old niece had died in her sleep. Rosie was always more than a niece to me, we grew up together as I was only three when she was born and she soon became my best friend and sister who I loved and protected fiercely. Quite simply she made my childhood. In that single moment in Wales my relief was swept with devastation. This could not be happening. My thought then was “This is the best and worst day of my life”.

   We were transferred to another smaller cottage for me, my parents, Dan and Yuliya. I remember sitting in the bath for what seemed like hours - completely numb. I'm sure the bath water went cold. I spoke to my brother, Brett, and brother-in-law, Des, on the phone and although our conversations were broken up through tears, their love, support and shared grief was evident. I remember Brett just reiterating how much he loved me and Des apologised for everyone not being there (obviously given the circumstances he needn't have apologised). He also said I could take as long as I needed to come home as I must've been mentally and physically drained. Yes I was, but I wasn't tired and not hungry for anything even if I had just burned 9000 calories. I finally got out of the bath and climbed into bed. I made a promise to Rosie that night while I lay awake. 

  Although numb with shock and after having no sleep I went to the Kona roll down at 10am the following day. I was third in my age group, which meant that if the first or second competitors in my age group did not want to go to the World Championships in Kona, Hawaii, I would qualify instead. I had decided whilst lying in bed that I wanted to get to Kona one day for Rose. The first woman had travelled to qualify so I left with no Kona slot, but with a new dream and the determination to get it.

  
  The weeks following this news were tough and emotionally draining. I haven't been able to celebrate or want to make a celebration about what I achieved as it all seems insignificant after what I lost that day. Since then we have had the funeral, which was a lovely celebration of Rosie’s life. During Rosie’s tribute that I read out in the church I promised Rose I would get to Kona through my own merit. I wrote, “The last thing I want to say is Rosie’s legacy to me. Rose’s death has taught me to always try and achieve your dreams. She was always very philosophical about shooting for the moon. As some of you may know Rosie died whilst our family was in Wales supporting me do my first Ironman. My lifetime goal has always been to complete an Ironman and I’m sure with Rosie’s spirit I got around even when it got physically and mentally tough. My dream however, was to get to the World Championships at Kona in Hawaii. But a few months ago I compared myself to the competition and discarded this thinking it was impossible. If crossing the line in Wales an hour before I predicted myself to finish and coming third in my age group has proved anything it is that anything is possible. She was so proud of me for competing and I have dedicated my Ironman Wales achievement to her and every one I do from now is in her honour. I shall be competing in the Outlaw Ironman in Nottingham next July so if her university friends see me you know it is for Rose. My promise to Rose is that I shall go for my dream and I will get to Kona. This will be a journey Rosie and I shall take together”.

  I have a lot of training to do over the next year to try and get to Hawaii. The time splits I am aiming for is 1hour swim, 6h15 bike and 4h marathon, a total of 11h15 without transitions. The bike is obviously the one with the most amount to cut off but with training I will be able to improve my bike. My run has got increasingly better throughout my training and Dan can vouch for that. The swim will be the hardest to improve as that is almost at its peak, trying to cut 10 minutes off something that is already near peak takes a lot of patience. But, as Dan said to me today, you have improved your fitness beyond what seemed possible in a few short months and you did the Ironman with ease. Your capability and maximum potential is there you just have to reach it. My training event next year will be the Outlaw Ironman distance in Nottingham on July 27^th. I am still planning to compete in the DW Canoe Race in April and do the Channel Swim in August. I have registered for Ironman Wales again and this time I’m going for World Championship qualification – 14^th September 2014 is THE big one.

  So with this is mind this blog is not going anywhere. In fact it now has a completely new journey. Hollies Road to Kona. The start of a new journey. This is your legacy Rosie – lets get to Kona! Oh and as a final note... I AM AN IRONMAN!