Friday 25 July 2014

A life changing trip - my third time to Lanzarote

 Now where do I start? I am sure anyone who has me on social media is fully aware how much I enjoyed my latest trip to Lanzarote considering how many times I was bragging about the fun I was having online. So brace yourselves here is the full account of that epic week which turned out to be one of the best holidays of my life.

 I mentioned in my previous blog that I was not on my best form emotionally and I wasn't much better even when my trip to Lanzarote was imminent. I will admit it now but I was worried about going alone. My parents were worried about me and kept questioning whether I really wanted to go. I smiled and kept saying yes, making myself look excited but deep down I was nervous. I am a social and outgoing person when comfortable, you would have a hard job to shut me up when I am with a group of people but I was concerned I was going to be lonely even if to some extent I did want to be alone to think and reflect on everything that had happened over the previous weeks. I went to the airport on Tuesday morning straight from a night shift. The weather was appalling and I struggled to see when driving. I felt somewhat sad to be going. Although I was excited I did question whether I should even go, I mean it was costing me a lot of money so needed to justify getting the benefit of being there. I arrived at Stansted in the early morning and it was like a cattle market. I was exhausted and was sat on the floor leaning against a wall trying to sleep. After what seemed like a lifetime it was time to board, I slept the whole flight, I felt like I was on a drug. Everything went smoothly upon landing, I grabbed my bag which was there waiting and then got my hire car - a little Vauxhall Corsa. I felt so independent and although still worried about being alone was relishing this a little. As I was driving (by memory) to the other side of the island to La Santa, I began to smile again. I love this island. The quaint villages, white houses, locals with dogs walking alongside them, children playing outside and of course the cyclists. I was staying at a work colleagues friends place who had moved out there to go pro - he was in the UK seeing family and was renting his 2 bed apartment out whilst doing so. I met his coach and the local sports masseuse to get the keys. Him and his wife showed me to the apartment. I put my stuff down and flopped on the bed back into deep sleep - what was wrong with me? I awoke at 4pm and decided to go and get the bike I had hired from the local bike shop 'Pro Bike'. I decided on getting a Scott Plasma TT bike and over the week I did not regret that decision - it was hard to see her go! Whilst getting my bike Maria the owner said she had had an email from a lady called Sam who wanted some company on bike rides. She asked if I was alone and whether I would like her number. Would I?! We have since named Maria cupid as Sam and I became inseparable.

Such a pleasure to ride
 I got back to the apartment and began to get ready to go out for a lonely pizza dinner and an early night ready for my morning ride. I did feel pretty lonely but was enjoying the quiet (or was I just telling myself that?). I text my mum saying "I'm going to be reading a lot of books this week". I decided to also text Sam not thinking I would get anything back until the morning. Within 2 minutes I had a response. She was asking me out to dinner to one of the top end restaurants in the village (a place Dad and I frequented a lot when we visited last). I laughed and text my mum explaining my budget of €200 for the week may take a battering tonight but it was only one night...I met Sam and 3 other ladies at 20.30 in the village. The second I saw Sam waving me down from across the road screaming 'Hollie' I knew we were in for a good week. That dinner was then a tongue tennis game. Sam and I just played off each other - I brought my training plan down and Sam was up for joining me for the whole week. We were also doing Ironman Austria together next year - fate?

 I went back feeling so content. I shared my story with the women and everyone was so lovely even if they did think I was mad for the intensity of my training plan. Turned out Sam had been there for 2 weeks before hand in Club La Santa (the big triathlon sports base 1km up the road) on compassionate leave as her father had passed away and she wanted to getaway. She then wanted to stay on even longer so did so but in another village 10km down the road as Club La Santa had no availability. I met Sam early on the Wednesday morning and we went for an open water swim. I then drove her to her new accomodation before getting ready for a ride. Yet again we didn't stop gassing and the conversation flowed so easy. I was talking about my emotions easier than I had done with anyone. Our situations seemed to mirror eachother and that wasn't just our grief. As well as instantly clicking I also found Sam an instant breath of fresh air. Her outgoing personality, attitude and confidence streamed out of her and I loved it. She was friendly, funny, approachable and impossible to not like. I have learnt so much from her over the last week so thank you for that Sam. Never again will I be worried or fearful to ask someone to go for a bike ride with them. I love triathlon for the camaraderie and community it creates but I must've only have seen half of it!
 Sam and I religiously stuck to my training plan throughout that week. On the first day we cycled to Playa Blancha had a lovely lunch and then when her chain tangled up managed to get the local tri club (Tri Yaiza) who's kit was pink to fix it and then we rode with them for 50km speaking a warped mix of English and Spanish. Bike rides with company sometimes speak louder than words. We still want their kit - does our 50km together not make us honorary members? Ha!
 Something I was told about when arriving at my apartment was that the La Santa Fiesta was taking place over the weekend. I got no sleep on the Thursday night (the Spanish know how to party and they do so in the street). On Friday we knew we needed a good nights sleep as we were doing the Ironman bike route on the Saturday. It was decided we would go to 'Grillen' another great restaurant just up the road that I hadn't tried before. We thought we would get a big protein enriched treat meal before our mammoth ride and then stay at Sam's place where it was quiet. It was while we were at 'Grillen' that the chef, Nathan, a keen Lanzarote cyclist who was originally from the UK came over to ask if he could join our ride as he had heard through the waiter we were cycling in the morning. Sam had already recruited another woman to join us so we agreed for him to join, "The more the merrier!". The meal was amazing and we left with full tummies and got a good sleep ready for the ride in the morning.

Pre ride protein
 I am not going to lie I was worried about doing the Ironman route again. I struggled big time in May emotionally and physically and dreaded doing the long steep slog up 'Los Valles' to Haria (this time as we were going from La Santa this section was in the first 40km as opposed to 80km in). We all met at Club La Santa at 9am. Nathan instantly looked the part and us three were bantering off one another while we waited for the other recruit to join us. I explained about my Ironman exploits and we compared bikes before it was time to do some hard work. It was instantly noticeable that Nathan was a strong cyclist and being competitive was trying to show the minimal strength I do have in my legs. I still wasn't a patch on him but he was kind enough to stay with us girls and gave me loads of tips as well as complimenting me on my position when on my TT bars, "Get the iron out" he said (instant beaming smile). We spoke a lot about how he ended up in Lanzarote and I admired his push to make a new life away from the materialism and long hours of the UK. It was inspiring for me. I also of course shared my story. Apart from nearly pushing Sam off the road when our handlebars locked I got up Haria a lot easier than I did in May. The bike was a joy to ride and I did have my spurts were I put my head down zoomed ahead. I did this at a particular bit where I struggled mentally in the event - when I began crying and making my song up for Rosie. I began to repeat it to myself then, "Rosie Posie, help me along please do. I fucking struggling all for my love of you..." (read the Lanzarote blog for the full rendition). We had coffee at the top and then Nathan left to get back for work. Us three girls got on our way to Mirador Del Rio which Sam and I called Mordor and then decided who was which hobbit (see how our crazy minds just worked together). I pushed myself up and then became David Bailey, lying on the ground taking pictures as they both climbed up.

Sam and I halfway up

Me at the top
 It was then 70km to Puerto Del Carmen where we were getting lunch. I racked up 85km/h going down Mirador, my confidence on the bike was mind blowing considering how much of a pussy I was even 6 months ago. I'm sure my mum will crap herself when you actually consider that is over 50mph on a piece of carbon and wearing little more than some lycra and a helmet but let's not remind her of that too much! The thing we didn't do enough was refuel and about 20kms from Carmen I bonked. I was shaking and had to stop to cram 600 calories of flapjack down my neck. Energy restored it was on our way again. Marie the other Irish woman who joined us decided she had had enough for the day...then there were two. We got to Carmen although I nearly lost Sam going down hill into the town and carbed loaded up. I was still feeling crap and the way back was a struggle fighting against the horrific wind and our mental state. At one point we were going 8km/h on a flat as the head wind was so strong it was a battle for it not to push us backwards. We even had to climb Timanfaya (one of the feared climbs on the Ironman route) with a brutal headwind. It was at this point that Sam nearly had a tantrum. She was congratulating me on completing the Ironman and declared she would never consider it considering what we were going through (she changed her mind when she was off the bike and had some vodka down her neck). She also noted that you go through every emotion when on the bike for that long in the heat and faced with those winds, something I can vouch for. We had also decided on Friday night that we would have a drink on the Saturday and attend the Fiesta (the Saturday was the big finale night). My mentality was 'if you can't beat em, join em'. However, halfway up Timanfaya Sam declared she didn't want to go out, my heart sunk as the only thing pushing me on was having a drink! Once that climb was over Sam came back to normality again and when we got to Tinajo just 5km from home she was back. We got off the bike 10 hours after setting off. It was only now 2 months after Ironman Lanzarote that I felt some pride for what I achieved that day in May. Apparently the weather conditions were some of the worst they had been this year and just completing was an achievement. Once safely off our bikes for the day we then went for a swim (of course that's what normal people do) and then got ready to go out. We had planned to have a power nap but the music had started at 10pm and continued to get louder. We then thought we may as well go for a drink at 'Grillen'. I rewarded myself with a glass of my favourite white wine, Albarino while Sam had a vodka (or three). We ended up meeting up with Nathan and his flat mate, the local bike mechanic from Pro Bike, Seb. That night ended up being a messy one, Sam in Cinderella style lost a flip flop when being carried to bed. All I can say is that the Spanish know how to party!
Mid fiesta selfie (oh dear)
 In true athlete style however we were swimming as per the training plan on Sunday morning. The next part of the holiday was spent enjoying the company of the friends we had made. Sam and I still had our alone time but we also went on group rides altogether. I truly cannot thank Sam, Nathan and Seb for the amazing time I had on those days. The banter, the lovely meals out, the amazing Mediterranean lunches which were cooked by Nathan which was bound to be good considering his job as a chef, previously working in places such as Pennyhill Park in Surrey before he made his new life in Lanzarote (but I'm not going to give him a bigger head than he already has!).

Yum
 Before I knew it it was my last day in Lanzarote. Sam and I cycled to Playa Blancha and got some matching tacky bracelets as souvenirs and some waffles to refuel from my favourite cafe (which happened to be hiring haha).
Staff needed!
We then got ready for our last night out at 'Grillen'. As I walked into the restaurant a live singer was playing 'Let Her Go' by Passenger. This is the song I chose to be played at Rosie's funeral and although it choked me up I smiled whilst holding my glass of wine. To me it signified that Rosie was there watching down on me - as the Spanish would say Sallut! (Cheers)

Last night selfie (with a selfie stick)
 The goodbyes in the morning were hard. I didn't want to go and already miss the lifestyle and friends I made there.

 So was my week in Lanzarote beneficial after my previous doubts? I can categorically say it was. I got 35 tough hours of training in that week (even if I didn't touch on this that much) which I already feel stronger for. I know if I could spend a good amount of time there my bike split would get so much better. I also had time to think and reflect on life. I came back cleansed and happy. Everyone who has seen me in the few days I have been back has said that I look and sound happier. I will miss Rosie more with every single day that passes but I have found that being in Lanzarote takes me away, gives me a focus and for the first time in a long time makes me happy to be alive. My dream to get to Kona doesn't seem impossible out there. I was surrounded by like minded people who cycle and train passionately. Their way of life is perfect - you work to live not live to work out there. It is a case of me and my bike out there and those two things alone can make me happy when in a place you love. I honestly feel completely liberated from my trip. I have some big decisions to make in the coming months and although they scare me they excite me. Watch this space on that...

 So I just want to finish by thanking those who made it so special. Thank you Seb for your witty remarks, for fixing our bikes, for being the cameraman on our photoshoot (see below), for being a proper gent and for staying with us even though as an ex professional cyclist we would've seen smoke come off your bike wheels had you gone ahead. Thank you to Nathan for your stupid ways that never ceased to make me laugh even if you are 30 going on 13, for your passion in your job which was breath of fresh air, for your courage in making a new life for yourself given your tough past which is inspirational (any inspiration and strength you say you have got from me I assure you I have gained from you too). Thank you also for your kindness and most importantly your company. Lastly how can I not mention my lovely Sam? Thank you so much for being my partner in crime and honorary pink lady. Whenever I see a beetroot I will think of you and if I see a health shop I will have to get an obligatory coconut water in your memory. You have made me laugh and smile more than I have in the last 10 months and I truly know I have a friend for life in you. It's like we said on our first bike ride you never know when you will meet someone and make new friends. I truly think it's fate we met and I can't wait for all our next adventures together - watch out world! There is so much more I could say but by you just being you you have helped me overcome so much and I miss you already!
 Well, I think that's enough soppiness - sorry for those who have been sick! You have all made it a holiday to remember and I'll see you all when I return to Lanzarote, for yes, the FOURTH time this year to compete in the Ocean Lava Olympic Triathlon where Seb and Nathan will become triathletes. I'll give it as much as I've got although I don't think I'll ever get to their speed on the bike! Thank you Lanzarote - Ciao for now, my second home, I WILL be back!

Our Pro Bike photo shoot - surrounded by £20,000 worth of bikes!

Rear view
Pro Bike wankers
Pro Bike wankers



Thursday 24 July 2014

A PB at Pitsford

 On Sunday the 13th July I was competing in my first triathlon since Ironman Lanzarote, and my first Olympic distance for nearly a year. It would also be the day I would see Ryan, Rosie's boyfriend, become a triathlete in memory of Rose. We had arranged to do this together many months before and his determination and dedication to training for this event was lovely to see. He pretty much learnt how to swim, and bought all the kit needed with my apparent knowledgeable advice. On the lead up to this event I was not feeling good. I was having another emotional crash and didn't want to go. I was up at 4am on Sunday morning as it was a 2 hour drive and started at 7am. I couldn't gain the necessary motivation to compete that morning. The thing that finally kicked my butt into gear was when I was lying on the sofa drifting back to sleep feeling sorry for myself when I looked up and saw my favourite picture of Rose which I have as a canvas on my wall. She was looking down on me and I knew I had to do this for her. Inspiration restored I got all my kit in the car, making sure to pay attention to my head set cap on my bike for extra inspiration.

The canvas I have of Rosie on my wall
Some extra motivation on my bike
 The drive was long and somewhat emotional as within minutes of being in the car 'Let Her Go' by Passenger (the song I chose to be played at Rosie's funeral) came on the radio. Tears began to roll down my cheeks and my fight began to kick in. I stopped at the services to cram a muffin and a coffee down my neck as some form of race fuel (I know bad me). I got to the race site at 6.15 and Ryan arrived shortly after me with his Dad. We walked down to registration and I helped Ryan through the formalities of triathlon and racking. Before long it was time to get in the water. I am a quicker swimmer than Ryan but he was the quicker runner so the plan was for me to go ahead and see him on the run. The swim was relatively calm in comparison to the beatings I usually get with over 2000 people as there were only 107 people competing! I just took it easy (maybe too easy in hindsight) as I had no expectations of myself. I was out of the water in a disappointing for me 27m53 (which made me 25th out of the water). After a 2 minute transition it was off on the bike. I wanted to push myself here and as I had the adrenaline from competing running through my veins I was ready to do it too. The course was tougher than I imagined and was that lovely 'undulating' but at least it meant I could take advantage of getting on my bars when going downhill. I was averaging 31km/h and keeping constant tabs on who was around me. The aim of the game was to not let many overtake me and if it's a girl, have them! My sister, her family and their good friend and family came screaming past me 15kms into the ride and gave me a boost. I saw them a further twice around the course. I overtook a woman at 18kms in who I had spotted only for her to annoyingly overtake me 1km from the finish. I could see when she was on the bike that she was a better runner than me but that was not the point, this angered me. I was second woman for the majority of the bike and lost out in the final 1km. I did however come off the bike as third woman in 1h18. So it was onto the run, my weakest discipline and where I knew I would frustratingly see people come past. The weather was getting increasingly hot by now and although the setting for this loop around the lake was beautiful it was a challenging and undulating off road course. I just wanted to keep at a consistent pace, aiming for 5m30 per km. These did begin to slip and I saw, as predicted, people run past including three women (meaning I finished 6th woman). I did have one guy however who ran past me and said "You beasted that bike, I was trying to get you the whole way but just couldn't get you. Well done". With my pride taking over I let out a smile. I crossed the line in a disappointing 59min 10k run split (although it was slightly longer than 10km).
I even managed a smile coming into the finsih
This gave a total time of 2h48m32 and made me in 63rd position overall. Despite my inability to push more on the run that was a huge PB of 21 minutes. My 'disappointing' swim was 3 minutes quicker than last years efforts, my bike was 10 minutes faster and my run was 5 minutes faster, the rest was made up from faster transitions. Considering the Olympic in Reading last year was a week before Wales and was flat I would take that. Had I actually felt ready for the event who knows what I could've achieved! Moving forward with this PB I know where I can make gains - I need to focus on my run. Coming in with a podium position on the bike and losing it on the run is just demoralising, hard work wasted, but it also gives me a focus. Another point is although I do enjoy the distances in an Olympic triathlon they are not what I am training for. I have never done speed work on 10km so I can't beat myself up too much for once.



 Ryan crossed the line in  2h57m50 - not bad for his first Olympic triathlon. I'm sure Rosie was watching down with a huge beaming smile full of pride. He also admitted once he had finished he thinks he has the bug. I did warn him that triathlon is addictive!

Ryan and I showing off our medals
 After Sunday's efforts it was just 2 night shifts before heading to Lanzarote for the third time this year. This would be a training week that I was going on alone for some much needed miles in the legs and reflection after everything that had happened recently. There is SO much to write about that truly life changing holiday so stay tuned for the next blog!

Friday 4 July 2014

Changes

 Once again I am faced with the same predicament as I was previously - how much do I share on a public blogging site? I have deliberated this a lot recently and decided to keep this section of my post short and sweet.

 I will briefly fill you in on the recent trip I took to Tenby for training. I hadn't been to Tenby since that fateful day in September last year so was unsure of the emotions that could overwhelm me. It took a mammoth 6 and a half hours to get there by which time I was quite irritable and after a little cry after crossing the Severn Bridge, quite emotional. Crossing into Wales was a poignant moment of reflection for me. As soon as I stepped out of the car and saw the beauty of Tenby with the sun shining down any bad emotions were put aside. Yes this place holds many memories, good and bad; the place I became an Ironman and the place I lost Rosie. However, for those reasons it is also a place I cherish. Dan was with me on this trip and we booked into our hotel and were wowed by our room with a view.


Nice view to wake up to
Posing by the harbour before dinner
The Ironman Wales swim location and famous Goskar rock you swim around
I had planned a sea swim at 6pm with a tri club I made friends with down there but didn't make it in time. I was disappointed but decided to refuel and get to sleep. I had a lovely night, shared a bottle of wine and had some amazing food at the best restaurant in Tenby 'The Moorings' (anyone doing Wales book it up!). I spoke to my coach, Mark, who had planned his training holiday, as he is also doing Wales, around when I was going. We arranged to meet the next morning on the beach to do some sea swimming. This would be followed by a tough skills bike session, topped off by a brick run. Mark spent all morning taking pictures of my stroke and painstakingly went through the changes I could make.

Pre swim
Arm out and breathe
Reach
 We all had a coffee and then I got ready for our ride. Mark took me up and down some of the most feared climbs around Tenby - including Heatbreak Hill and one I recall from last year being the worst climb I have ever done at an 18% gradient. I expected to be fitter but I really did feel better than last year. Heartbreak Hill didn't seem so bad but then I hadn't done 80 miles before getting there! After my testing ride we went for a short brick run and I quickly got into the pace I aim to do the whole Ironman Wales run in (watch this space for how that goes!). As we rounded along the promenade to the end of our run we imagined we were sprinting down the magic carpet and hearing "You are an Ironman!". For Mark this will be his 37th Ironman but he reminded me that I would beat him at something - I would be a double Ironman Wales finisher - I'll take that! After all of this exercise you can imagine the day had slipped away and it was a quick change to go to dinner, again at 'The Moorings', with Mark and his wife.
 The next morning I had to do an hour's TT along the testing Pembrokeshire countryside. I was actually fearing this the night before. Mark kept an eye on my heartrate and pace and I just span my legs. I managed 29km in that hour which considering the terrain, and the sore throat I began to feel that morning, I was pleased with. We then had a quick transition and got our trainers on. This run was hideous - we were pretty much going vertically along a small stony coastal path - not my best performance but had a nice chat with Mark and it was good to experience the burn and make gains and race plans when coming back down the hill. Wales was always going to be a tactical race - I am not a natural runner and I need to get used to using my grit determination to plod up and then take advantage of the downs. I did 4h50 for my marathon in Tenby last year, that can only get better.

The open road
Made it to Pembroke!
Mid smile ride
Finishing selfie
Off on the run
Taking advantage of the down
Posing on the way up! (for a break)
Finishing selfie!
Thumbs up!

 We all had some lunch again at 'The Moorings' and then got on the long road home. It took 7 hours as well as a break down (in the car) before we got home at a stupidly early time. By this time my sore throat was now a full blown cold and I felt rough. I must've looked a sight as I had tissue stuck up my nose the whole way!

 I had a lovely weekend in Tenby. Training wise it was tough but rewarding and I am so grateful to Mark for patiently and passionately helping me as always. On an emotional level it was comforting to know I can go back to Tenby and see the beauty of the area not just the pain it caused me (especially as I cycled past were we stayed last year as a family). Lastly, it is also a weekend I shall cherish as in the days that followed Dan and I went our separate ways. I am not going to delve into this as it is too raw for us both and also not fair. Within the space of a few days I have made some huge U-turns in how my life was planned out to be. The break down of my 5 year relationship and losing of one of my biggest supporters is heartbreaking. I don't need to explain my emotions but it is obviously painful. Not having him in Wales to support me brings me to tears every time. He would've been the one screaming my time splits out and as he went to every event, no matter how small, he knows what I have to do as well as what I can do. I always craved seeing his face and hearing him push me on, refusing to let me crumble in his arms when everything hurts. I am now relocating permanently near my parents - something I feel I need and want. I have relished being a 10 minute journey away from my family since I moved out alone a month ago. I can pop over for a cup of tea whenever I want. I am also looking forward to spending more time with my nieces and nephew. I have an amazing bond with them all and I want to make that even stronger especially as they are all growing up so fast and I have another nephew on the way in 3 weeks! On another note I also know my baby boy (my pug) Larry will be in safe hands with my family as they have offered to help with the dog sitting when I am on my long 12 hour shifts (which means I am away for 15 hours with my commute). My mum even said she would mow my lawn for me if I am that close so it's not only me who is excited about being closer to my family! Pulling out of the house I fell in love with and the life we had planned and made in Buckinghamshire was, and still is, absolutely devastating but I know all I am doing is best for me, my family, training and to cope with the loss of Rosie. Everything I have gone through in the last 10 months has proved that life can change so quickly - savour every moment.

 On another note, I have decided to pull out of the Outlaw at the end of July. This is an Ironman distance event and although a flat course I have been worried for a while it would be too much for my body to do with Ironman Wales 7 weeks after. I need to peak in Wales in order to even have a shot at qualifying this year and as Lanzarote took so much out of me I cannot risk that slow recovery happening again. This means I can go on my training week to Lanzarote in 10 days without having to worry I am pushing it too much for Outlaw. This was a hard decision for the emotional connection I have to the location; Rosie went to university in nottingham. I was also looking forward to meeting many twitter followers there. On this note, despite my previous frustration with the organisers of Outlaw over their lack of apparent compassion, I owe them a huge thank you - I look forward to becoming an Outlaw one day!

  I want to finish on two final and rather exciting points. Firstly I started my race calender for 2015 by signing up for Ironman Austria next June, which is now sold out. Again, this was a tactical choice. I have chosen a flatter course and am going to focus on getting faster. I have a year to improve my speed and become a runner. Without being pessimistic I need a back up in case Wales this year does not go to plan. Austria is one I have always wanted to do so I have the passion to want to compete there next year and as Wales would qualify for Kona in 2015 this would be a good training race if I do qualify. I am planning on making a European road trip out of this event making it my annual holiday and camping throughout the places I am keen to experience and staying on site of the Ironman. So it'll be a fun holiday for me to prepare for.
 Secondly, I found out on Monday that I have qualified to represent Great Britain at the European Middle Distance Championships in Mallorca in October. I have achieved a dream I never even thought was possible and will have a GB trisuit! Although I can acknowledge this achievement I am not going to get carried away. I will never earn money from triathlon (that dream is just not possible) - it is merely a passion and my hobby. I will wear my earned trisuit in October and then hang it up (possibly even frame it). It will simply be something to tell the grandkids.

Ironman Wales I'm coming!

Bright and smiles :)
For Rosie