Guess who's back? Finally recovered from Lanzarote!

 Well it has been sometime since I last updated this and feel it is due. In my last post I briefly delved into my personal life and was was feeling ridiculously sorry for myself. I blamed my diet for why I did so and vowed to change. That I have but my illness that lasted over a week cannot have been due to IBS. I never found the real cause but have put it down to food poisoning from a takeaway or from swimming in the Jubilee River the day before I began to feel rough. The water did smell funny and afterwards found that other people had come down with sickness after swimming in it, although admittedly no-one in my swim group. My theory is that my immune system was weak from the battering my body took during Ironman Lanzarote, so if I was going to get ill (which happens very often) it was bound to happen when my body was at it's weakest. Whatever it was it sent me crashing down. I was bed bound with such horrific pain I was on the verge of sending myself to A&E. Never wanting to make a fuss however I didn't and just let whatever it was pass.
 I did however have to make a very difficult decision that week as I lay in bed. Wimbleball the event that beat me last year was on the Sunday - on Wednesday I hadn't eaten for 4 days and was still confined to my bed. Everyone from my parents to my followers said I would be stupid to compete even if the intention was just to finish. Doing it when not 100% fit could put me out for weeks after. I had for once to think about myself and my body and more importantly the end goal. I needed to be fighting fit for Ironman Wales. Even though that was 13 weeks away you would be surprised of the effects it could have. So I pulled out of Ironman UK 70.3 - it would have to be third time lucky. Yet again thank you to everyone's support and understanding when I made the announcement.

My announcement on Facebook

Our home for the weekend

 However, although I didn't compete I still went to Wimbleball. We had booked a motorhome and was having a getaway with my parents. My mum was always going to volunteer so we decided to join in too and due to our help I got entry for next year too - result! The weekend was great despite it being tough to see others competing and not being involved. However, I didn't have much time to think of this as I was so unbelievably busy that day - I get paid to do less work! Never again will I take for granted the work volunteers do during these events so let this be a lesson to all you who compete be kind and say thank you - it really was appreciated when people did and made up for the idiots who were very rude and somewhat aggressive sometimes. Without the volunteers the event would just not happen in the organised manner it does. After these tiring few days I went to my parents stationary caravan in Devon for 4 days. By this time I was on the road to a proper recovery and could stomach real food. I lost 7lbs the week before so took this as I could eat everything I love in a final holiday binge. I didn't actually go as mad as I could've done and by then end of the holiday on the Thursday had only put on 2lbs.

Chilling with a glass in my favourite place

I wasn't lying - water all night!

 On the Saturday my clean eating officially started. I worked the weekend and went to London to see my sister on the Saturday evening after work. I had a bit of a rubbish day emotionally, anything and everything was getting me down, which meant oddly I didn't fancy a drink. So I had diet coke and water all night - WOW!
 On the Monday I was treated to Afternoon Tea in London, taking my rest day of the week on this day. On the Tuesday I also did something that I was desperate to get off my chest. In order to be allowed to swim the Channel everyone in the team has to do a 2 hour non-wetsuit qualifying swim in water under 16 degrees. This had to be done by July and I was freaking out especially as my last visit to Bournemouth a mere week after Lanzarote I was so unbelievably cold after 45 minutes I had to swim back meaning I only managed 1h20. So Gill, Julia and I travelled down to Boscombe early Tuesday morning. We were in the water at 9am when the gorgeous sunshine was starting to come out. The idea was to swim from Boscombe Pier to Bournemouth Pier and back - if we had to do more to make the 2 hour time we would have to start swimming back towards Bournemouth. Something I have come to the realisation of during my non-wetsuit swims is that I am a woos getting in the water, it takes me longer than everyone else, but I get in and after a few words to myself normally always repeating 'Man up' I do get in and get into my rhythm. Although I began swimming after Gill and Julia I had caught up before long and was soon leading our small pack and was just going at a comfortable pace. Although my thighs were the first thing to lose feeling of I was feeling great (I still find this odd as with the size of my thighs would've thought they would keep the heat). As cliche as it sounds I felt liberated, free and happy. Swimming open water particularly in the sea has this amazing feeling of calm and serenity and I am blessed I can experience this (although I am always consciously looking out for my feared jellyfish!). We made it to Bournemouth Pier (2 miles) in 45 minutes, time to turn around. I was cold obviously but not is serious discomfort. The way back was tough, the tide was completely against us and it didn't take me long to realise this. However rather than get demoralised by the little distance we were moving by looking at things in the distance I focussed on getting to each post on my left which were the break water posts jutting off the shore. I stopped every so often to ask if Julia was OK and ask how long we had swum as annoyingly my watch decided it didn't want to work that morning. One time she shouted out 1h15 and I could've cried. Is that it? I was tired, hungry and ready to get out! Unbelievably the next time I asked Julia the time we had been in the water for 1h45. I had completely zoned out for 30 minutes. I was thinking about Rose and everything I would say to her if she were still here. I was talking to her in my head whilst in my calm place and watching the fish swim below me (yes the Bournemouth water really was that clear!). When I realised I only had 15 minutes left I was elated. The second we touched the pier the watch said we had done 2 hours. Just WOW! The weather was gorgeous and we all shared a hug on the beach. Children were building sandcastles whilst us mentalists in swimming costumes were parading around with beaming smiles on our faces.

My costume tan lines after my 2 hour Bournemouth swim

I recovered with a hot chocolate and the day unbelievably got even better. My best and oldest friend of 21 years Ele, came over for the night. We went on a 10 mile run, chatted and I made a homemade healthy meal. Before work the day after we also did a testing 5km together around my new home.

I feel the best I have in ages. My diet is on form and I am announcing it - I am finally properly recovered from Lanzarote! Five weeks, an illness and a house move and I have found my mojo again. I cannot wait until my next event which will be an Olympic triathlon with Rosie's boyfriend, Ryan. This is something he is doing in memory of Rose and I am honoured to do it with him. In fact this morning I took him on his first open water swim. Rosie would have been so proud and I'm sure she would've been laughing and smiling seeing her boyfriend and auntie swimming together in a lake at 7am. She would've laughed even more if she saw me trying to teach Ryan to sight and draft behind me only to discover him going towards the trees a minute later which then meant I was whistling at him to come back!
 Also on a another point regarding my events I also have the Outlaw Ironman distance triathlon in July that I was concerned about doing since coming back from Lanzarote but have since decided I am going to take part in it and am actually very excited for it. There will be many followers doing this and for the first time ever people are actually expecting to see me there. I will not let them or myself down. I also feel I need this event for some motivation going into Wales 6 weeks after especially after the horrors of Lanzarote.

 Although I am on top form physically, mentally this has been a tough week. Living alone is what I craved and being closer to my family is just lovely however this does make our loss more evident. However, although being 10 minutes from the village where Rose and I grew up is a constant reminder I think in time this may help me. I am beginning to open up to my family more. Last night I even broke down and hugged my mum, something I sadly hadn't done due to my own technique of bottling my emotions. The outburst of emotions was due to a beautiful bench in Rosie's memory being installed along a footpath all our family regularly use and have used. My sister's friends arranged for it to be made and yesterday it found home. The spot looks over our village and the simple beauty of the view is breathtaking. I have many memories of Rosie in this spot - where the bench is placed is where Rosie and I had many chats and most prominently it is the exact spot I went to upon returning to my village after Wales. I sat there for what seemed like hours looking at a rainbow that all my family saw, wherever they were in that moment. Rainbow's always remind us of Rose so this was a truly special moment. I went to see Rosie's bench after work on Wednesday. I don't know how long I was there for but I watched the sun go down in silence so when I left it was dark. I didn't want to leave and only did as my mum was worried about me and kept calling. It is a truly beautiful thing of Emma's friends to have done and truly shows the love within the village I was raised in. I hope that not only our family but others can use the bench as a place to have a quiet moment and to reflect not only on Rosie's life but the lives of others. I'm sure it will prove to be a place to maybe not heal our pain but help comfort us. No matter what Rosie's memory lives on and she will now always be looking over us.