Every cloud has a silver lining

 The past 10 days in Lanzarote have been some of the best days of my life, so much so I don't even know where to begin. I went there to build some contacts out for my move and begin to sort what I need to do when I do make the move. However, aside from this it was a getaway in order to ensure I am in the right place mentally for Ironman Wales, afterall an Ironman is 50% mental. The anniversary of Rosie's death on the 8th of September was looming over me and being in the UK I was not getting the right training in physically and mentally. Whilst I was out there I managed to sort my head out and build some amazing relationships with new friends. I trained hard but also played hard. In fact I trained so hard chasing 3 blokes around the Ironman 70.3 course I was falling asleep on the sofa whenever I had some downtime!

Top of Tabeysco with the lads

Tapering

Perfection

 I went out for some amazing meals - eating at some of the best restaurants on the island and all the while spending time with my new flat mate, Nathan. Being a cyclist and wannabe triathlete we trained together and as he had the 10 days off, we ate together (as a chef I was cooked for too). Yes I was facing the biggest event of my life in Wales but I did enjoy a drink some nights. We went to the waterpark, ate waffles, dined with others, laughed until it hurt and then danced until the early hours on some occasions. Ange and Bart, Jamie and Catherine, Steve and Maria, Seb and Jonny (not a couple aha) Nuria, Rob, Jo (sorry to to who I have missed) it was a pleasure to spend time with you - thank you. Included in all this I trained everyday, with the exception of 2 days where I chilled out to absorb my hard work. I went on a ride with the lovely ProBike owner Maria and had a lovely chat about life and in particular Rosie. I learned to not hide my thoughts but to share Rosie's life and I look forward to watching that friendship grow especially as, under my persuasion, we are doing the Ocean Lava triathlon together in November.

Waffles in Playa Blancha

Fancy food

Fancy food

Homemade breakfast by a chef

Homemade fajitas

 The holiday was an absolute whirlwind and I honestly don't know how else to describe it as that as everything was just so amazing. The pictures I have included explain things better than my words can. I had a bad day when I thought about Rosie and how much I missed her, a particular poignant day for me was the 7th September. That date the year before was the last day I saw and spoke to Rosie alive. (I will post below what I wrote on the plane on the way home). However, my recent trip confirmed that moving to Lanzarote is the best decision I have ever made and I really cannot wait for the next chapter of my life to start. I have a few things to sort before moving out but my flight will be on the 23rd October - 44 days and counting! I am the happiest I have been since I discovered the loss of Rosie. I hate to think that everything happens for a reason as I would do anything to have Rose back but I can't help but thank Rosie for pushing me to pursue my dreams. I know I would never have been sat overlooking Lanzarote's harbour planning my new life in an island I love had it not been for losing Rosie. For the first time I realised that you can overcome a tragedy and horrific circumstances - every cloud has a silver lining. My new beginning is looking bright.

Slap me - this island will be home

Road trip with a view

Chilling watching cricket

Selfie stick - the night we danced until 3am

Selfie stick fun

Selfie with bubbles - we are athletes really

Thank you for making my time so special

 So it is now 5 days until the biggest event of my triathlon career, what are my pre-Ironman Wales thoughts? They are still much the same as before, "What will be will be". I am ready to embrace the atmosphere an Ironman event brings particularly one such as Wales which has the best support of the lot. I also still do not know what emotions will take over on that day being an event and location that holds so much pain but I am trying to look toward the excitement and positives. I am looking forward to meeting some of the people who I have been speaking to over the last year whether they be competing or cheering me on. I have taken the pressure off of me qualifying. I want it more than ever but I have a plan for next year and will be training on a challenging island with people willing to push me to succeed. So I will finish on a bombshell. I am going back on my words of 'never again' and will be competing in Ironman Lanzarote in 2015 and face some demons at the same time. Given I shall be living there there is absolutely no excuse for me not to smash it. I will be part of a community who will know me so support will be there and I will be using the Lanzarote volcanoes as my training ground cycling much of the route on a daily basis. With Nathan roped in too it will be an amazing bit of motivation - I have a new training partner and as the Inbetweeners would say 'Speshial Ironman Lanzarote friend".
 So, I'll see you on the other side post Ironman Wales, the biggest and most emotional event of my life. If I qualify I will be overjoyed if I do not it wasn't meant to be and I will keep pushing until I get to the Hawaiian island of Kona in Rosie's honour. I know Rosie will be with in during every stroke, pedal and stride. I am ready Tenby, watch out there's a pink leopard printed chick about!

 My Facebook post I wrote whilst reflecting on the plane home from Lanzarote on the anniversary of Rosie's death;
"This time last year I had just been out for an amazing pre race Ironman meal with my family in Wales. Rose and I recited our favourite conversation through tears of laughter about our childhood together around the table (a memory and fond moment I will cherish forever). The devastation I felt when I crossed the line the day after still haunts me.
  Rosie - you were labelled my niece but you were so much more to me. You were my sister and my best friend. I tried to protect you from everything as well as do everything stupid with you. My childhood was made the happy one it was because of you and I enjoyed every second. Regardless of the tears, the inevitable fights, I loved curling oneanother's hair, dancing on holiday and playing with Barbies. I relished watching you become a stunning young lady - much like a beautiful rose you blossomed. Much like me, we then got competitive with each other when we received our exam results. Taking you on your first trip to Nandos and out on your first night out in the lovely town of Blazingstoke was a pleasure and an honour. Witnessing you go to university and studying journalism like me and finding true love made me beam with pride. You even tried to show me up at my own game of drinking on my 21st in London at the roller disco - that's my girl (you always knew how to party!).
I cannot believe it has been a year since I have seen your beautiful face and heard your loud voice and crazy laugh. In fact I still cannot believe you are not here. It is a chilling and horrible thought. You brought so many people so much happiness and that is only testament to your beauty and personality.
Losing you has been the hardest thing I have ever had to face. My life has stood still - the world has lost an absolute angel. I have faced a lot of fears, insecurities and my life has changed forever since you have gone. I only hope you are looking down and are proud in some aspect of what I am doing in your honour. There is not a single day I don't think of you. From a stupid remark or sign that will remind me of you to making a big decision - you are there. I want to be a better person because of you.
I love telling people about you and showing pictures of you even though I cannot do you justice. You lived life at 100mph and everyone who had the pleasure of meeting you will never forget you. Even people I talk about you to cannot forget you. You radiated life and love and even with you not here in person you are still doing it. You truly are with me in everything I do. I would not be making the life changing decision to move to Lanzarote if it was not because of you. I would not have met who I have, I would not be sat enjoying the simple life there. You are my sole motivation and inspiration in everything that happens in my life.
I would do absolutely anything to have you back, even just to hear you screech "Auntie Wobbles" one more time which I hated so much but would love to hear now. You truly are one of a kind and I hope wherever you are you know I love you unconditionally. Thank you for blessing my life with yours even if I feel yours was taken too soon. The memories I have with you will never fade and I will cherish them always. Your memory will live on forever through me and through everyone who knew you. Keep shining bright through the stars - I always look out for you. My hose Maria I love you forever, love Auntie Wobbles. Until we meet again xxx"