49 days (not that I'm counting)

  When I started on my Ironman journey I was adamant I did not want/need a training plan or coach. I stuck to my guns when it came to training plans insisting that I could do it alone. As my journey to become an Ironman is a personal one I said I would know within myself if I am doing enough. I think everyone training for an event knows their own limits and with that knows how to push them. Ultimately you know if you haven't done enough, even if it is hard to admit.
  This choice is a good one for me as I like to be in control and would most likely get bored and demotivated trying to stick to a limiting and generic plan. I am in high spirits as I feel I am cutting it. I believe training for eudurance events is all about incorporating training in and around your lifestyle (something some training plans cannot always offer). This is exactly what I am doing. From Tuesday, following my nights, I put this into effect. I went to the gym before work at 6.30 completing a brick session (bike immediately followed by run) and some shoulder and chest weights. I then went again at lunchtime and completed another brick session. Equalling a total of 3hours. On Wednesday, I decided to cycle to Chesham (9miles) to a cycle session which included some interval training (6miles), back to Amersham to wait for swimming )(5miles), then back to Chesham to swim (5miles), then back home, (9miles). An approximate cycle mileage of 34miles. Although it's not a huge amount in comparison to an Ironman distance it included lots of hills and is better than driving.
  However, a blowout puncture on the way to Chesham for the 2nd time meant that I had to abandon the bike and got a lift to swimming from Dan's dad (I managed to run to their house from the disaster spot in time). Dan then picked me up from swimming. I wasn't too disheartened as I know I would've done it and I still did over half the distance.
  On Thursday I ran around home for 40minutes and then went for an open water swim with the tri club. This consisted of 10 x 250m(10lengths). On Friday I decided to go to the gym before work and at lunchtime (my gym sessions now include some hard cardio and triathlon specific weight exercises which I am so glad I am able to fit into my training as these will inevitably make me stronger). On Saturday I met someone at the tri club for an open water swim at Heron Lake at 6.30am, before work. I did 3km, although I can't say the exact time I did it in as I still don't have a waterproof sports watch. (When I told Adrian, the Ironman who has done Wales, he was shocked I was training without a Garmin waterproof watch, sacrilege in his eyes!). As the weather had finally cooled a little I also did a short 3.5mile on my lunch break and got into a good natural pace (probably because I had no alternating music beats from my iPhone as I have sent it off to be repaired).
  Now we're onto today. I swan the Ironman distance of 2.4miles (4km) at Heron Lake before work and did a shoulder and leg weight workout at lunch. I need to build my leg muscles to get up the Tenby hills.
I was the only one in the gym today, a sure sign Ironman can be a lonely sport. It could also be that everyone else is actually enjoying the sun rather than moan about it being too hot to run in.

  I am feeling great mentally which is having a profound effect on my performance and motivation. Although physically this is a lot to take on I constantly remind myself why I am doing this. Whilst drinking my pre-swim coffee and eating crumpets at 5.30am struggling to keep my eyes open, I heard Dan shout 'just think of your end goal'. It is so easy to just go back to sleep. It takes a lot of determination (especially for me who hates mornings) to get out the door a that time to train. I now understand why Ironmen say that the early mornings all pay off, because I know now there are many early mornings! (Fingers crossed the euphoria is all I dream it to be).
  Although it doesn't seem like I have much of an existence I am loving this new routine. All I do is eat, train, sleep, repeat. I haven't showered at home for a week (this doesn't mean I haven't showered), and have a spare of all my essentials in my training bag which comes everywhere with me. This all means I am also having to work on my organisational skills. Every night before I crash to sleep I put out my clothes ready and make sure I have everything I need to change into inside my bag. Another huge bonus to training in the early mornings is that when I get home after work I don't have to worry about cramming in any exercise before bed. That time is my time to unwind.
  Despite being comfortable in this routine, I know it will have to change soon when my shift changes, but variety is also a key factor for keeping motivation up when training.

  Although I haven't spoke much about my nutrition, despite being one of the things I said I would discuss in this blog, I think I have finally nailed it. My nutrition at the moment seems to be playing a massive role in my energy levels which is great considering I am having less sleep. This would be a typical work float shift (9am-9pm) meal plan;

5.30; Crumpets x2 with natural peanut butter & skinny iced coffee
(Train 6-8.30am)
11.00; Porridge with demerara sugar
13.00; Banana
(Train 1400-15.15)
14.30; 100g Wholemeal pasta, chopped tomatoes and tuna
16.30; Danio yoghurt (my new obsession)
18.00; Pink Lady Apple
21.00; Chicken breast, wholemeal basmati rice and broccoli
(Bed 22.30)

  This equals around 1800 per day calories which although is under the recommended for a sedentary woman is the amount I always aimed for and now it is healthy and nutritional food.

  On another note. As I was flicking through my diary I realised how quickly the weeks are going to go before it is September the 8th. Then I decided to scare myself even more and count the days. It is a mere 49. The last 7 of those will be nowhere near on the intensity at the moment as I need to prepare my legs for the event. However, I am not disheartened, I'm feeling nervous obviously, (scared shitless to be honest) but I am also excited. I have also bought my first race day gear, a headband that says my favourite sporting quote, and quite possibly the one I will repeat in my head on race day to get me round. "Pain is temporary, pride is forever".
  My next event is in a week, a half Ironman distance event overnight in Dartford, the Midnight Man. The route isn't particularly exciting as it is a 10 x 5.5mile lap bike on a closed dual carriageway but it will be a fast flat event and for motivational reasons I need to tick off a half Ironman distance. (This lap count however, is nothing compared to the 76 x 4.7km laps it takes when doing the Double Ironman in Germany).
  As for training tomorrow I am going to run before work, do some weights at lunch and then I'm going straight from work to a moonlight midnight swim in the Thames with the Tri Club (below are the photos from it).

On Tuesday I will have a rest day where I will see my friend Ele in Oxford. After that I will keep the training up but calm down a little towards the end of the week in preparation for the midnight man.

  I just want to finish on a little I told you so note. If you read my previous blog it rattles on about the argument Dan and I have about my apparent complacency towards the marathon in Ironman. Even mum and I have had this debate. When I read this comment in my latest triathlon magazine I squirmed in excitement that I wasn't being complacent. "Do most of your training on the bike as it's the leg that will exhaust you. Don't worry about the run. You will complete the run if you can survive the 112-mile bike". This was written by someone who has completed six triple Ironmans, five deca Irons and one double deca Ironman (search the distances - an Ironman seems nothing in comparison). There is method to my madness!

Damned if I do, damned if I don't

    Well, it is my last night shift after a mammoth amount of overtime over the last 2 weeks equaling eleven 12 hour night shifts over a fortnight. As promised in my new Ironman rule book I am only allowed to write my blog when on nights as if I am doing it on my days off I am not doing enough training. So this is my latest update before the next night shift.

  I knew training when on night shifts was going to be tough. When I wake up after a shift there is only a small 4hr window to train, eat and shower before heading out the door again. This definitely makes me appreciate my free hours more when on days, even if they still are 12 hours. However, despite getting into a pretty solid sleeping pattern (which was especially difficult given the heatwave we have been having) I have felt absolutely shattered. The first week was going great. I did seven shifts in a row that week and each day managed to get in some form of exercise; 3hr runs, 3hr bike rides, circuit and weight training, and then it all caught up with me. On day 5 of my night shift I was so tired I felt weak and floppy like a newborn baby. I couldn't not train however so I began to get my kit on for another run in the blistering heat. Dan then said I was in danger of over training which he thought I had been doing, hence why I felt weak. I thought in my head damned if do, damned if I don't.

  I had always known that an Ironman is just as much a mental endurance test as much as it is physical one. However, I never thought it would play such a massive role in training as well. Due to the late entry into Ironman Wales which has cut my training time I have ultimately put myself under A LOT of extra pressure. In order to not even consider failure in September I am making sure I do not miss a training session which ultimately made me over-tired during my mass night shift stint. I feel guilty to myself if I miss a day of training and this only affects my mood. It makes me sink into a pit of self-pity although I know that rest days are essential when training for any event. The golden rule that any coach or personal trainer will say time and time again is; "Listen to your body". I did that when I felt weak that day but it only made my mind weaker. I beat myself up about it and despite taking the time off from training it didn't stop the dreams/nightmares depicting me missing the cut of time for the bike and therefore not become my lifelong dream of an Ironman. Failure is not an option. I cannot do that to myself or my family who are coming to support me in Wales. They expect to see me cross the line (within the cut off time) and I want to do nothing more.

  Although this all seems doom and gloom I did get excited when members of the tri club completed Ironman's in Austria and Frankfurt. One of whom did their first in Frankfurt in a cracking time of 9h47! I also began to anticipate the arrival of September by thinking of the events I would like to complete after and tick off my list. I know it's preemptive as I haven't completed one Ironman yet but there are some locations I just want to conquer. These are Ironman Austria (since the idea got into my head about this event I have to do it), Challenge Roth (an Ironman distance event in Germany which is said to be spectacular for views and support), Ironman Bolton as it would complete the UK Ironmans and the Outlaw (another UK based Iron-distance triathlon I would like to take on). All these events truly are long-term goals, the ones abroad are definitely not a consideration until at least 2015. Everyone has to have ambition right?

  Anyway, back to reality. With my mind being tired I am desperately looking forward to having a break (obviously one that includes training). My first getaway is to Devon with Dan on the 5-11 August which will start by me cycling there and include many runs along the Jurassic Coast. This holiday is also finished with a marathon. Straight after my marathon I then go to Tenby, the location of Ironman Wales, with my Dad for some all round training but the main emphasis on the bike leg. With Ironman Wales being one of the toughest in the world due to its bike course I need to get used to the terrain I will be faced with for 8 hours of my life. It may seem that I am not putting much emphasis on the swim which may make me seem complacent to the challenge it is but I am just focusing on my weaknesses at the moment. Although I do not consider the bike my weakest discipline it is the one I am having the most fears about. I have told Dan on many occasions that as long as I get to the run in time I will complete. Again this may look like I'm being complacent for the toughness of a marathon after 2.4miles of swimming and 112 miles on a bike, but if I get there within the cut off it gives me 6 and a half hours to do the marathon. Unless I get a serious injury I could walk/jog the marathon in that time. So I just NEED to get to that run, the run is a means to an end. (Dan and I still argue over this mental attitude of mine, but at the moment that is my focus). 

  However, my need to train and focus brought me to think of an open water swimming holiday. I looked into a company called SwimTrek and they have a perfect getaway holiday in Cumbria which takes place over a weekend and consists of 4-5km of swimming a day including swim technique coaching and analysis. I would also be able to do some running whilst there. I would go alone, making time for myself to train and relax away from the stresses that work and training to a routine brings. I have asked for availability for the next trip in 2 weeks time, so fingers crossed they can accommodate me. However, if this is not possible there is a later date in August but it would mean taking more holiday and I don't really want to decrease that so early in the year. Moreover, if there is no places for the July trip there is a half Ironman distance triathlon that weekend called the Midnight Man. As the name suggests it is done overnight. I know I can get myself into a night shift pattern and anyway it adds to the challenge. The event is in Dartford and despite the bike route being 9 laps of a closed dual carriageway I think it would be an experience as well as a much needed confidence boost to myself after Exmoor.

  With these mini holidays and work September will be here in no time, so no time to hang around, I need to train!

Who ever said it was sensible?

  Since the half Ironman I already mentioned I did a swim time trial on the Thursday afterwards. I wrapped my broken finger up as best I could and tackled the half Ironman distance, 1.2miles (80 lengths), again. Although I felt like I was swimming in lead and had to spend some extra time making sure I didn't whack my finger when turning (which I still did many times) I finished in 35minutes. It wasn't a PB which was 34minutes, but definitely not bad considering. Although I didn't find it easy as usual I was sticking to a comfortable and maintainable pace for how I was feeling. This again outlined my poor performance in Wimbleball. When competing I should easily have been below 35minutes, not three minutes above it!

  I was still feeling pretty down about the DNF result but was happy to see some familiar faces at the Tri club. It cheered me up to have people reassure me that its not the end of the world and 'shit happens'.

  From that swim to now I cannot actually remember what has happened in great detail. Extra work shifts and training has kept me busy which has made the time fly. It is only now I am on a night shift that I have had some time to chill out! I have been keping up all three disciplines of a triathlon. Most notably I went on an exploration run with Dan. Although Dan has been brought up in Buckinghamshire and knows many cross country routes there is always more to see. I however know nothing about this area so it was a good way for me to find some new run routes. Our runs never really go well as his pace is faster than mine and when out doing a run I want to go at my own consistent speed. I also didn't want a personal training session. Immediately Dan was faster and I didn't even try to play catch up as I did not want a burn out. I continued to push Dan to go infront despite him trying to get me to lead (he hoped it would push me faster). After a mile he had said that I should pick the pace up as my run needs to get faster and so began the personal trainer speel. I responded by saying that 'the pace I run at is my maintainable speed over a long period of time and distance so why change it? I'm not going to get faster by burning out. When I'm ready to up the pace naturally I will do so'. Also, consistently keeping at 6-7mph is also not too bloody awful so instead of making me feel rubbish just go with it. I felt some sense of pride though as I have completed a marathon but Dan hasn't and if he could keep his pace up non-stop over 26miles then he should have got into them a long time ago. Despite all this the run was enjoyable although very hot. When running up a hill in the scorching heat I said that I was quite glad I wasn't doing Ironman Austria as it is bloody hard work in the heat! I'll probably get the complete opposite weather in Wales!  

  A major and exciting thing that has happened during this time was getting a new bike. This, although an expensive upgrade, was one I considered vital for the upcoming Ironman Wales. I know that you cannot always blame your tools, but I was getting increasingly worried by the level of my bike in comparison to the level of such a demanding event and course. After the mechanical brake fault (and my second crash) on Sora I dashed any thoughts of being able to 'just get round' on that bike and knew it was time for an upgrade. She had served me well, competing in over 10 triathlons and duathlons and had been through many training miles. At only £500 that is not too shabby. I even regularly got compliments on the look of her. Despite her faults she will not be wasted, she is just being relegated off the road. My trusty first road bike will now become my torture machine - she will become permanently fixed onto my turbo trainer. This was something I have always wanted to do. So rather than faffing about fixing and changing the rear tyre to fit onto the trainer I have a permanent exercise machine come rain or shine. This is particularly useful when working nights or late on weekends as it means I can always do a tough session of varying length without having to sacrifice the quality. The spare room is now my torture chamber.

  So,  without boring some of you I have upgraded to a female specific Giant carbon fibre frame road bike with a huge cassette to get me up the Welsh hills and a Shimano 105 groupset. I had ideally wanted an Ultegra groupset, but the frame was the more important factor, and in all honestly the 105's are leaps and bounds away from my bottom of the range gears. I also upgraded the wheels on the bike to Mavic Ksyrium SLS. These are subtly sexy wheels! The white spokes being my favourite thing.

 The bike is nothing like the outrageous colour scheme I would normally lend myself to but the matt black frame and white finishes make it a subtly beautiful bike. As with all owned and drivable assets she needed a name and in keeping with the name of my car 'white beauty' the bike has followed suit with 'black beauty' and she certainly is that.

The photo still does not do her justice

  Since the four days I have had her I have clocked up 60miles (over half way there to the Ironman distance). I have been lucky enough that when my broken finger is strapped up and the splint is on I am not really limited when handling the bike. My middle and forefinger are able to brake effectively.

  The biggest advantage I have found about getting a woman specific road bike is the size of the frame. I have since found out I have been cycling a frame size too big for 3+ years. With this in mind I was having my seat post far too low. I lacked confidence in making the post higher as I feared I would not be able to put my foot down quick enough if need be. Since having my new bike I am in a much higher position which is having an instant positive on my riding efficiency. After my first 10mile ride my thighs were burning, a sensation I had never felt when on my old bike. By riding higher up I am using the biggest muscle in the leg more - my quads. With this I will only get stronger. Moreover, there are other advantages to getting a woman's frame. Due to womens torso's being naturally smaller than mens' the distance between the saddle and the bars are shorter. Another difference is that the width of the handlebars are smaller which means that I'm not resting unnaturally wide as men do with naturally broader shoulders. However, I think my most exciting discovery, and probably the most minor one, is that the bars are actually thinner. I always struggled with an excruciating aching pain during on long rides in the L between my thumbs and forefingers. This type of pain is something I did not need during an Ironman, and now I do not have to fear about such a minor but ultimately painful sensation affecting my comfortably.

  The major thing I am getting used to at the moment is the lightness of the bike. My entry-level Specialised Allez is an aluminium frame which is sturdy, heavy and less responsive to my actions. This is in sharp contrast to a carbon fibre frame which responds to anything and very quickly. (I can also lift it with one finger). Moreover, if it is a windy day then it will be a shaky ride and this is something I am having to adapt and get used to.

  Overall, if you are a woman and want to invest in a bike, invest in a woman specific frame. I was sceptical, as many are, but you won't regret it. The only negative is due to being specifically for women there isn't as many colours to chose from, but at least this makes deciding easier!

  As I mentioned earlier I am back on night shifts which does pose some questions as to how I fit my training in around them, especially as I am doing overtime shifts as well.  I had secretly began to really worry about this, brewing up my fears inside. Not telling Dan fearing he would give me his condescending look of "I told you it would be hard" and not telling my parents for the fear of them thinking I wouldn't be able to complete. When I detailed all my extra hours to my mum and dad they immediately queried where my training hours where going to fit in. I could only reassure them I will find the hours, I have to. Despite my dad reiterating that it doesn't matter if I don't finish, failure is not an option this time. I am putting an unbelievable amount of pressure on myself so much so I live and dream Ironman. I cannot wait for it, the excitement inside is uncontrollable. However, on the other hand I fear it. I am anxious, nervous, even scared of not completing.  I have had nightmares of the same thing happening again, missing the bike cut off time. The bike is my main priority, the run is something I need to continue practising, but to me it is a means to an end. If I get to the run I will not not complete. I had a slightly heated discussion with mum about how I was playing down the importance of the run. I do not believe this to be the case as I run at least 4 times a week, even more when on day shifts as I do so in my lunch breaks. However, right now the bike is my focus. I need to build up that discipline first so I have the confidence in my own fitness and technical ability. With this emphasis on building my endurance capabilities my weight will fall and that will aid my running more than anything. My mindset is that without completing the bike there is no run.

  So despite the next 2 weeks being tough training wise as I am back to nights it also gives me time to focus almost solely on my bike. I want to build my bike mileage, get comfortable with my new bike and riding style as well as target and increase the necessary muscles required for a more efficient and stronger cycle. Apart from an open water swim next Monday, which I will cycle to, I am not even considering adding swimming in the next 2 weeks as without sounding arrogant that discipline is not my concern. I know I can complete the distance in ample time already. 

  My training for this week unsurprisingly involves 2hr+ cycle rides and tough sessions on the turbo trainer in between waking up and leaving for work (this is around 4hours). 

  On Monday before my first night shift I did a brick session involving a 30mile bike ride followed by a 4mile run before having a preparation nap. (I managed the bike ride in 1h37 - approx. 18mph). On Tuesday I did a sprint/boot camp style run session. This was a real eye opener to me as I used to be at the top of my game during sessions like these but I struggled today. It showed to me pretty clearly the different style of training I had been doing in comparison to over a year ago and sadly showed me if you don't use it you lose it. It made me feel so unfit but I had to remind myself that although I may have been able to do 25 full press-ups back then I probably wouldn't have been able to consistently run a marathon or cycle half the hills in Exmoor. I still vowed to work on that type of training as it ultimately all helps one another.
  With the added pressure and motivation of a marathon in a months time I decided to go on a run today (Wednesday). I planned to explore the woods and surrounding areas again. I started off in the direction Dan and I had gone the other day and decided to run for 30minutes and then make my way back. After getting stuck in field upon field I had run an hour before I reached point at which I could turn and go back on myself. Instead of going back the way I came I tried to make it a loop so I went the way my instinct told me to go through more fields and woods. I got it fractions out with turned out to be a nightmare. I had to leave for work at 6pm and I was lost, recognising nothing but horses and grass at 5.30pm. I had been running now for over 2 hours in the heat with no water or energy gels. I was getting frustrated and my energy was low. I was gasping for a drink. I called my boss explaining I was in the middle of nowhere and as soon as I'm home I'll be on my way. Probably the oddest reason for being late to work ever! I stuck to the roads until I recognised the cross country route I had began on. After 2h30 I finally got home and had covered 15miles. Although I hadn't planned the length of my run I did enjoy exploring cross country. It was only when I was desperate to get back that my tolerance and energy levels fell.
  Despite getting lost I am looking forward though to having a completely free day where I can go off for hours and do it again without having to worry about getting back. I have scheduled this in for Tuesday. All I need to do is find the furthest point again as from there I found another woods I want to explore. Dan said that he'll need to get me a tag for my next adventure.

  As a further push for some confidence building, motivation and training I have signed myself up for some events. I have not gone mad so that I limit myself but have just put a few dates in the diary. I mentioned previously I had a marathon in a months time. This is a trial run marathon in and around Salisbury. Despite already doing a marathon this year and many training magazines stating that it is not essential to compete in another if already having done so, it is more of a reassurance training event for myself. I need to know that I can do the distance with ease especially with hills involved. The next I have booked is on the 26th August where I am doing an Aquathlon (swim and run). I am actually doing the swim distance twice as I am doing it as part of a relay with Dan then I'll do the whole event alone. The distance is 800m swim - 10k run. When I tried to do the application online an error came up saying 'you cannot sensibly enter the same event twice on the same day'. My immediate thought was who ever said it was a sensible idea? An Ironman isn't sensible yet thousands throw themselves into the worldwide events every year.  Anyway, with some events lined up and a trip to Tenby with my dad for some cycle training in August booked I feel ready and more determined than ever.