Who ever said it was sensible?

  Since the half Ironman I already mentioned I did a swim time trial on the Thursday afterwards. I wrapped my broken finger up as best I could and tackled the half Ironman distance, 1.2miles (80 lengths), again. Although I felt like I was swimming in lead and had to spend some extra time making sure I didn't whack my finger when turning (which I still did many times) I finished in 35minutes. It wasn't a PB which was 34minutes, but definitely not bad considering. Although I didn't find it easy as usual I was sticking to a comfortable and maintainable pace for how I was feeling. This again outlined my poor performance in Wimbleball. When competing I should easily have been below 35minutes, not three minutes above it!

  I was still feeling pretty down about the DNF result but was happy to see some familiar faces at the Tri club. It cheered me up to have people reassure me that its not the end of the world and 'shit happens'.

  From that swim to now I cannot actually remember what has happened in great detail. Extra work shifts and training has kept me busy which has made the time fly. It is only now I am on a night shift that I have had some time to chill out! I have been keping up all three disciplines of a triathlon. Most notably I went on an exploration run with Dan. Although Dan has been brought up in Buckinghamshire and knows many cross country routes there is always more to see. I however know nothing about this area so it was a good way for me to find some new run routes. Our runs never really go well as his pace is faster than mine and when out doing a run I want to go at my own consistent speed. I also didn't want a personal training session. Immediately Dan was faster and I didn't even try to play catch up as I did not want a burn out. I continued to push Dan to go infront despite him trying to get me to lead (he hoped it would push me faster). After a mile he had said that I should pick the pace up as my run needs to get faster and so began the personal trainer speel. I responded by saying that 'the pace I run at is my maintainable speed over a long period of time and distance so why change it? I'm not going to get faster by burning out. When I'm ready to up the pace naturally I will do so'. Also, consistently keeping at 6-7mph is also not too bloody awful so instead of making me feel rubbish just go with it. I felt some sense of pride though as I have completed a marathon but Dan hasn't and if he could keep his pace up non-stop over 26miles then he should have got into them a long time ago. Despite all this the run was enjoyable although very hot. When running up a hill in the scorching heat I said that I was quite glad I wasn't doing Ironman Austria as it is bloody hard work in the heat! I'll probably get the complete opposite weather in Wales!  

  A major and exciting thing that has happened during this time was getting a new bike. This, although an expensive upgrade, was one I considered vital for the upcoming Ironman Wales. I know that you cannot always blame your tools, but I was getting increasingly worried by the level of my bike in comparison to the level of such a demanding event and course. After the mechanical brake fault (and my second crash) on Sora I dashed any thoughts of being able to 'just get round' on that bike and knew it was time for an upgrade. She had served me well, competing in over 10 triathlons and duathlons and had been through many training miles. At only £500 that is not too shabby. I even regularly got compliments on the look of her. Despite her faults she will not be wasted, she is just being relegated off the road. My trusty first road bike will now become my torture machine - she will become permanently fixed onto my turbo trainer. This was something I have always wanted to do. So rather than faffing about fixing and changing the rear tyre to fit onto the trainer I have a permanent exercise machine come rain or shine. This is particularly useful when working nights or late on weekends as it means I can always do a tough session of varying length without having to sacrifice the quality. The spare room is now my torture chamber.

  So,  without boring some of you I have upgraded to a female specific Giant carbon fibre frame road bike with a huge cassette to get me up the Welsh hills and a Shimano 105 groupset. I had ideally wanted an Ultegra groupset, but the frame was the more important factor, and in all honestly the 105's are leaps and bounds away from my bottom of the range gears. I also upgraded the wheels on the bike to Mavic Ksyrium SLS. These are subtly sexy wheels! The white spokes being my favourite thing.

 The bike is nothing like the outrageous colour scheme I would normally lend myself to but the matt black frame and white finishes make it a subtly beautiful bike. As with all owned and drivable assets she needed a name and in keeping with the name of my car 'white beauty' the bike has followed suit with 'black beauty' and she certainly is that.

The photo still does not do her justice

  Since the four days I have had her I have clocked up 60miles (over half way there to the Ironman distance). I have been lucky enough that when my broken finger is strapped up and the splint is on I am not really limited when handling the bike. My middle and forefinger are able to brake effectively.

  The biggest advantage I have found about getting a woman specific road bike is the size of the frame. I have since found out I have been cycling a frame size too big for 3+ years. With this in mind I was having my seat post far too low. I lacked confidence in making the post higher as I feared I would not be able to put my foot down quick enough if need be. Since having my new bike I am in a much higher position which is having an instant positive on my riding efficiency. After my first 10mile ride my thighs were burning, a sensation I had never felt when on my old bike. By riding higher up I am using the biggest muscle in the leg more - my quads. With this I will only get stronger. Moreover, there are other advantages to getting a woman's frame. Due to womens torso's being naturally smaller than mens' the distance between the saddle and the bars are shorter. Another difference is that the width of the handlebars are smaller which means that I'm not resting unnaturally wide as men do with naturally broader shoulders. However, I think my most exciting discovery, and probably the most minor one, is that the bars are actually thinner. I always struggled with an excruciating aching pain during on long rides in the L between my thumbs and forefingers. This type of pain is something I did not need during an Ironman, and now I do not have to fear about such a minor but ultimately painful sensation affecting my comfortably.

  The major thing I am getting used to at the moment is the lightness of the bike. My entry-level Specialised Allez is an aluminium frame which is sturdy, heavy and less responsive to my actions. This is in sharp contrast to a carbon fibre frame which responds to anything and very quickly. (I can also lift it with one finger). Moreover, if it is a windy day then it will be a shaky ride and this is something I am having to adapt and get used to.

  Overall, if you are a woman and want to invest in a bike, invest in a woman specific frame. I was sceptical, as many are, but you won't regret it. The only negative is due to being specifically for women there isn't as many colours to chose from, but at least this makes deciding easier!

  As I mentioned earlier I am back on night shifts which does pose some questions as to how I fit my training in around them, especially as I am doing overtime shifts as well.  I had secretly began to really worry about this, brewing up my fears inside. Not telling Dan fearing he would give me his condescending look of "I told you it would be hard" and not telling my parents for the fear of them thinking I wouldn't be able to complete. When I detailed all my extra hours to my mum and dad they immediately queried where my training hours where going to fit in. I could only reassure them I will find the hours, I have to. Despite my dad reiterating that it doesn't matter if I don't finish, failure is not an option this time. I am putting an unbelievable amount of pressure on myself so much so I live and dream Ironman. I cannot wait for it, the excitement inside is uncontrollable. However, on the other hand I fear it. I am anxious, nervous, even scared of not completing.  I have had nightmares of the same thing happening again, missing the bike cut off time. The bike is my main priority, the run is something I need to continue practising, but to me it is a means to an end. If I get to the run I will not not complete. I had a slightly heated discussion with mum about how I was playing down the importance of the run. I do not believe this to be the case as I run at least 4 times a week, even more when on day shifts as I do so in my lunch breaks. However, right now the bike is my focus. I need to build up that discipline first so I have the confidence in my own fitness and technical ability. With this emphasis on building my endurance capabilities my weight will fall and that will aid my running more than anything. My mindset is that without completing the bike there is no run.

  So despite the next 2 weeks being tough training wise as I am back to nights it also gives me time to focus almost solely on my bike. I want to build my bike mileage, get comfortable with my new bike and riding style as well as target and increase the necessary muscles required for a more efficient and stronger cycle. Apart from an open water swim next Monday, which I will cycle to, I am not even considering adding swimming in the next 2 weeks as without sounding arrogant that discipline is not my concern. I know I can complete the distance in ample time already. 

  My training for this week unsurprisingly involves 2hr+ cycle rides and tough sessions on the turbo trainer in between waking up and leaving for work (this is around 4hours). 

  On Monday before my first night shift I did a brick session involving a 30mile bike ride followed by a 4mile run before having a preparation nap. (I managed the bike ride in 1h37 - approx. 18mph). On Tuesday I did a sprint/boot camp style run session. This was a real eye opener to me as I used to be at the top of my game during sessions like these but I struggled today. It showed to me pretty clearly the different style of training I had been doing in comparison to over a year ago and sadly showed me if you don't use it you lose it. It made me feel so unfit but I had to remind myself that although I may have been able to do 25 full press-ups back then I probably wouldn't have been able to consistently run a marathon or cycle half the hills in Exmoor. I still vowed to work on that type of training as it ultimately all helps one another.
  With the added pressure and motivation of a marathon in a months time I decided to go on a run today (Wednesday). I planned to explore the woods and surrounding areas again. I started off in the direction Dan and I had gone the other day and decided to run for 30minutes and then make my way back. After getting stuck in field upon field I had run an hour before I reached point at which I could turn and go back on myself. Instead of going back the way I came I tried to make it a loop so I went the way my instinct told me to go through more fields and woods. I got it fractions out with turned out to be a nightmare. I had to leave for work at 6pm and I was lost, recognising nothing but horses and grass at 5.30pm. I had been running now for over 2 hours in the heat with no water or energy gels. I was getting frustrated and my energy was low. I was gasping for a drink. I called my boss explaining I was in the middle of nowhere and as soon as I'm home I'll be on my way. Probably the oddest reason for being late to work ever! I stuck to the roads until I recognised the cross country route I had began on. After 2h30 I finally got home and had covered 15miles. Although I hadn't planned the length of my run I did enjoy exploring cross country. It was only when I was desperate to get back that my tolerance and energy levels fell.
  Despite getting lost I am looking forward though to having a completely free day where I can go off for hours and do it again without having to worry about getting back. I have scheduled this in for Tuesday. All I need to do is find the furthest point again as from there I found another woods I want to explore. Dan said that he'll need to get me a tag for my next adventure.

  As a further push for some confidence building, motivation and training I have signed myself up for some events. I have not gone mad so that I limit myself but have just put a few dates in the diary. I mentioned previously I had a marathon in a months time. This is a trial run marathon in and around Salisbury. Despite already doing a marathon this year and many training magazines stating that it is not essential to compete in another if already having done so, it is more of a reassurance training event for myself. I need to know that I can do the distance with ease especially with hills involved. The next I have booked is on the 26th August where I am doing an Aquathlon (swim and run). I am actually doing the swim distance twice as I am doing it as part of a relay with Dan then I'll do the whole event alone. The distance is 800m swim - 10k run. When I tried to do the application online an error came up saying 'you cannot sensibly enter the same event twice on the same day'. My immediate thought was who ever said it was a sensible idea? An Ironman isn't sensible yet thousands throw themselves into the worldwide events every year.  Anyway, with some events lined up and a trip to Tenby with my dad for some cycle training in August booked I feel ready and more determined than ever.

Blood, sweat and tears - Ironman UK 70.3 race report

  After a few weeks of no update I think a long post is well overdue and this one certainly will be long after the eventful weekend at the Ironman 70.3 in Exmoor. It has been exactly a week since I was thrashing in Wimbleball Lake and climbing the many hills around the beautiful countryside of Exmoor. Many may know the outcome of this race but I shall start from the very beginning...

  Dan and I left for Devon late Friday night on the 14th June. We were due to leave on Saturday morning but due to registration finishing at 2pm I didn't want to chance the traffic. As well as that I much prefer driving in the dark with the knowledge of an open road. We eventually got to the caravan around 1am. Dan had been doing a firefighter course all week and he was shattered so I drove down while he slept. Although I thought I was wide awake, after a very quiet journey I was definitely ready to sleep when we arrived. Thanks to the new caravan we didn't have to worry about firing up the gas and being cold, it was just a switch and the central heating came on (see why we call it a holiday home now?).

  I had wanted to do a practise swim in Wimbleball Lake on Saturday morning but decided with the race the following day I would lie in a little later. Sleep was crucial and I was happy to take as much as I could. I had been working a lot and knew my sleep on the Saturday night before the race would be short and probably disturbed due to my nerves. I then thought it may have been a good thing I missed it as it may have got me even more anxious. As we were driving to the race start for registration I said to Dan that I was looking forward to the challenge (I can safely say I got that!). Dan had said he thought I had got complacent due to the enjoyment and ease in which I completed the Snowdonia Slateman. I didn't argue back but I have been thinking about it as I did not find the Snowdonia triathlon easy by any means, I just found it easier than I had expected. This could have been because I put the event on such a high difficulty pedestal, it could be because I trained enough for that particular distance but moreover I think it showed my need for a new challenge. My new challenge of endurance triathlon racing was waiting for me. On the lead up to the race I had many people ask me if I thought I was ready, to which I always replied as ready as I'll ever be. I had a neutral feeling about the race during the build up week but on the drive up the many hills I was getting excited.

  I got my first glimpse at the logistical nightmare of getting 2000 people to such a remote part of the country that Saturday. There was traffic control through the country lanes meaning we waited a good 20 minutes before we got anywhere near the event start . The 'car park' was a massive field and was a free for all for a space (my low sports car was not made for this terrain). After parking up I went to register. They cleverly made sure you walked through all the Ironman merchandise before reaching registration and it is impossible to not have a look at everything on offer. I wanted the majority of the clothes that were on sale in particular some tracksuit bottoms, but said to myself I would get them once I had finished. I got my rucksack from registration which included all the information I needed and signed on the dotted line to Ironman 70.3 UK (this basically meant I agreed to the dangers such an event can entail). It was at this point I felt sick with nerves. I began thinking of all the what ifs. 'What if I didn't complete?', 'What if I crashed?', 'What if (god forbid) I missed the cut off time?'. Thankfully I bumped into a couple from the Tri club who were competing and after finally getting my attention by shouting my name a few times they brought me back down to reality. I admitted that I was so nervous I couldn't eat (whilst Dan munched down a burger) but their enthusiasm put some excitement back in me. Due to the scale and regulations of Ironman races their transition areas are different. Instead of laying your kit by your bike you have 3 different coloured bags with your number on with which you put the designated kit for each discipline in. Red - Run, Blue - Bike and White - after clothes. It was then a case of checking and double checking that I had everything in the correct bags. Once I was sure I had everything I went back to transition with my bike and bags. I racked my bike (which looked significantly under par in comparison to the rest - such a great day to see some bike porn) then hung my bags up alongside my number. As I was waiting to get my time chip registered I began to have a chat with some others in the line. One guy thought I was an elite as my number was low at 55, I quickly told him that wasn't the case. I also had a quick look at the small amount of people in my age and sex group, 16, to get an idea of who I was up against. I saw some aero-dynamic helmets which meant they had all the gear but was reminded that that means nothing, they could have no idea. There was nothing more I could do now, everything was waiting for me. When we finally got out of the car park we checked into our hotel 15 minutes down the road and went to get my pasta fix in Exeter. We ended up getting back later than I had wanted or expected as my car got locked in a multi-storey car park. We then had to be let out by the council. I wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway.

  My alarm for the Sunday was at 4.45am. My mum had stayed in the same village overnight so considering the state of the car parking at the event we decided to go together as she has a 4x4. I couldn't have my normal pre-race porridge as the B&B owners weren't awake so I had some fruit and fibre and took 2 bananas with me. Dan immediately said that wasn't enough, but there wasn't the option for anymore and I honestly couldn't stomach any more. We left at 5.30am as I wanted to be there earlier to put some extra nutrition gels on my bike and settle myself. The traffic getting to the event start was a nightmare, making me and other competitors nervous. We were in standstill traffic leading towards the car park. It didn't take long before people started getting out of their cars and start walking towards the start. I however had more pressing matters, as per my usual pre-race routine I needed the toilet, so instead of head to the start line I ran to the strategically placed portaloo. When we eventually parked up I had half an hour before the start and people were already walking down the swim start. I ran to put the nutrition on my bike and got my wetsuit on (something that unlike some I can do pretty quick). Mum crammed half a banana in my mouth as I began the walk down to the lake. A major positive of being late was that I had no time to get nervous, or even think about what I was about to put my body through. Once on the lakes edge I started to try and assess myself in comparison to the other athletes around me so I knew were to place myself. I always do this. I walk round the competitors checking what their talking about, who they are with, how they hold themselves (do they look nervous?) and how they look physically. It sounds cruel but is necessary. However, with this being my first long distance triathlon I was unsure where to place myself so stayed safe and found a comfortable spot in the middle of the pack. Despite some peoples gasps when they entered the water I did not find it that cold (probably in comparison to the temperatures in Snowdon). I had a chat with some of the people around me and began to think I should've moved further up the swim field. The whistle went off dead on 7am and then the washing machine started. It was immediately evident that I should've gone further to the front of the swim wave. I was weaving in and out of people, which may have annoyed some but whatever they gave me I gave it back. Some guy even tried to drag my foot back, so I just kicked harder and that soon stopped him. It was only three-quarters of the way through did I find my own rhythm and pace after beating off the slower swimmers (at one point I thought I had broken my little finger from a hit I had taken). My lack of confidence as to where I placed myself in the swim wave was a massive error on my behalf and made me realise I may not be the first out of the water but I need the confidence to get up there with some of the faster competitors. Events make you go faster anyway so if I place myself with the best I may well stick with them. What you should not expect during an event is to go slower than your PB - something I did. I wanted to be out of the water in 40minutes as that covered all eventualities. So when I came out in 38 minutes I was initially pleased but after seeing the times afterwards the disappointment set in over the time I had lost. My PB for this distance is 34 minutes so I lost a massive 4 minutes at least and this was mainly for not positioning myself correctly. However, this was my first long distance triathlon and I shall remember this, you live and learn.
 
  After the swim it was a run up to T1. I had told myself that I could take my time here (within reason) as I needed to be comfortable for 4hours on the bike. I was out of T1 and on my bike in 8 minutes. At the bike mount area there was small congestion of competitors and a bike behind me went crashing into back of my wheel as I was getting on. This meant that the saddle went right where the sun doesn't shine. What a great start to a long day on a bike! The first part of the bike was pretty tough and many people came zooming past me. As demotivating as this can be I just kept telling myself I am doing this for myself and need to ignore them. I soon found myself in a group of cyclists. Throughout the course I would overtake them and then they would do the same. This was a great way of being able to assess my performance. Nine times out of ten though I would overtake on the hills, proving my strong point there. It was a massive boost to my confidence, ability and ego to be beating some men with £8000 TT bikes up hills. My little Sora at £500 still had something left in her.
  I don't know whether I had built the course up to such an impossible level in my head, but I did not find the route as hard as I thought I would. The second half of the lap was definitely the harder bit, but I managed to get up the hills and not lose my group. This said I did not find it easy. When I saw my mum and Dan around mile 50 at the top of one of the toughest hills they were shocked at my time split. I was on for a 3h45 bike! (I had wanted 4hours). Shortly after that though things went downhill. My speed began to drop and I was getting frustrated wondering why this was. At the start of my second lap going up a steep hill (a constant theme) I decided to stop and check my tyre. The one thing I didn't want had happened. My tyre was as flat as a pancake. I managed to fix it, although with the torrential rain and my slow speed at fixing punctures I probably lost about 10 minutes at least. I started off again with a new found motivation to catch up with some people I lost. However, 10 miles later I felt the same struggling feeling of a puncture. I stopped and the bad luck continued, I had another puncture. I stamped my feet a little in annoyance and muttered some words 'in French' and started on getting my last spare inner tube out of my puncture repair kit. I then saw two blokes running towards me offering help. I knew the rules about instant disqualification if you get help from outside, but they reassured me as the on site mechanics I would be OK. Although they were mechanics I don't think it took any quicker and I lost a further 10 minutes or more. I said thank you and I was on my way again. By this point I wasn't surrounded by many people at all and knew I had to pick up the pace. The wind and rain was horrific by this point, so much so you couldn't see, but I wasn't feeling too demotivated. I knew however there was a horribly long and steep downhill coming up and I was dreading it. Downhill confidence is something I have always lacked. I had managed it on the first lap but didn't like doing it and the whole way round I was not looking forward to tackling again especially in the rain. I was fearing it more than any uphill that day. As I approached the hill I began dabbing the brakes and I didn't take my hands off, I was going a snails pace the whole way down (people could have walked quicker than me). Whilst going down I began to get worried as my brakes were not responding as I would've liked them to. I had to get on the drop bars and squeeze the brake levers as far as they would go. This eventually began really hurting my hands and on the last corner I shouted to some marshal's that my brakes were weakening. I knew that the last part of the hill as the steepest and had a sharp left turn at the bottom. As I was going down the final steep straight to the bottom I heard a ping from the back of my bike. My weak brakes had now become no brakes as the brake pads on my back wheel had pinged off. A marshal on the hill was telling me to slow down to which I shouted "My brakes have gone". All I could do at that point was angle my bike towards some grass to the right so not to wipe any other competitors behind me who would veer to the left and close my eyes. I just had to hope the damage wasn't too awful when, and slightly morbidly, if I came around.
  After crashing into a tree and skidding across the road for 5metres I lluckily did come around and the damage initially didn't seem too bad. I opened my eyes and had lots of marshall's surrounding me telling me to take my time to get up and if anything hurt. Apart from being pretty cut, bruised and shaken up I said I was OK. They all asked if I wanted to get a lift back but I decided to carry on, I wanted to cross that line more than anything. I obviously did not realise how badly I was hurting mentally and physically after the crash. I had no idea what the time was, or whether it was even possible for me to make the cut off time (5hrs30 after my start time of 7am). I had lost 30 minutes due to punctures (a ridiculously long time) and I still have no idea how long it took me to wake up, get up, recover and get back on the bike after my crash but can estimate 10-15 minutes. I struggled the whole way back to transition - the hills now seemingly mountains. I was desperate to see a familiar face and to top it of the finger on my left hand felt severely bruised (something I had not noticed before) which made braking really difficult and painful. Through the last 16 miles of the course I noticed that there was a minimal amount of people around me and I felt like I was completely alone. I finally made it back to T2 and was told the inevitable, I had missed the cut off. The tears I had cooped up came streaming out (I'm welling up as I write this). I saw Dan through the fence at the bottom of transition and I then couldn't stop the tears. I was so disappointed and upset. Missing the cut off time was my biggest fear.
  I can't really express my true feelings in regards to not completing, I felt empty. This was my first DNF (did not finish) ever. I was jealous of anyone with a medal. I was quiet and subdued and couldn't stop welling up. I had to slowly collect all of my belongings and then got my finger checked out. The doctor said I should go to A&E as he suspected that the bone inside my knuckle had cracked (I found out the following day he was right). When he told me the recovery time was 6 weeks I began to cry again - that meant that out of my 3 months training for Ironman Wales I wouldn't be fully fit for half of it. I immediately had to evaluate about Wales. Would it be possible after not completing the half and would I be able to train enough with a broken finger?
  I began shivering uncontrollably and despite being adamant I was fine, the doctor asked my mum to get me some dry clothes. I then became sad that I couldn't justify getting the Ironman tracksuit bottoms I so badly wanted. After I had been strapped up and given a letter to give to A&E I went to get changed. When I opened the bag there a shirt mum had bought which had Ironman 70.3 UK with the names of all the competitors on the back. I found my name and began to cry again. I managed to compose myself, get changed and we headed back to the car. Me and mum were spending a few days at the caravan together while Dan had to get home.
  I began playing through the events in my head and was still quiet. Mum kept saying it didn't matter and to move on but I was still upset and disappointed. By the time we had got to the caravan I had thought things through and taken some positives from the days events. I had decided Ironman Wales would go ahead. I could train on the turbo trainer, could still run and would find a way to swim. I posted the days events and positives I was taking from it on Facebook to everyone who wished me good luck and to the Chiltern Tri club; "It seemed like every part of me was being tested. My low tolerance for rain, my technical skills at changing tyres and mu mental ability when it comes to carrying on when you really are down. And that can only be good preparation for Wales!". Some of the responses from there were inspirational enough. Here are some that struck a cord for me;

  "Holle, fair play to you. Sounds like a difficult day all round. Admire the attitude though. It's not what you take that counts, it's what you come back with that counts. Onwards and upwards..."

  "Wow what a tough day but fantastic attitude. Wish you a speedy recovery and better luck for Wales"

  "Hollie you are a fighter girl if ever there was one. Paraphrasing from one of my favourite verses...rest now if you must, but don't quit! Get mended and we will see you very soon"

  "Hollie not all races go to plan and with your fighting spirit you will be back even stronger and tougher for Ironman Wales"

  These comments were exactly what I needed to lift me up and I enjoyed the rest of the days with my mum drinking too much and playing bingo (which I won for once - I must have some luck). Mum had also bought me the tracksuit bottoms I loved and I don't think I took them off.

  In hindsight, had the Snowdonia Slateman gone badly then my mental state would not be as good in regards to Ironman Wales as that was the last race I finished. After reading my triathlon magazine I read a race report that the Snowdonia Slateman has made its name as the hardest Olympic distance triathlon in the UK. I definitely needed that confidence even though it is only a quarter of the distance of an Ironman. I have got a lot of work to do between now and September but there is hope. I am more determined than ever to get round that course. Since then I did a swim time trial with my broken finger of the half Ironman distance and got 35 minutes so it can only get better. I put my blood, sweat and tears into Ironman UK 70.3 and although I didn't get to the run I completed the cycle, faced horrible weather, fixed punctures and continued after a bad crash. I still believe I'm extremely lucky to only have the injuries I have got considering the speed, weather and location of the crash. It has knocked some confidence and when I think back to the incident it was a scary situation to be in but I will take all the positives from this event and move it forwards. Onwards and definitely upwards considering the hills I'll be tackling in Wales.

It is really happening - Ironman Wales 2013

  After as much deliberation as I could give the topic I have signed up for Ironman Wales 2013. Contrary to what Dan may think, my mind was not made up the second I had the thought of doing Ironman this year. But I am also not going to lie and say that I didn't want the Tri club members to say my idea was stupid. I wanted at least the majority of the people who responded to say yes, and they did. However, had the majority had strong views that I not do it I would've seriously reconsidered.

  Since my post last night I told Dan and my parents to read my blog as it was the easiest way to express my true feelings and explain my sseemingly rash decision of wanting to do an Ironman this year. My blog was like an essay which argued for and against an Ironman in 2013. However what I was really asking for at the end was objective support. I honestly thought Dan would be against the idea as when I first mentioned it the day before he said that it was too soon. As a personal trainer he knows the ins and outs of training plans. The thought of him saying no worried me as I would listen to him outright. After getting back from my night shift I slept until 12.30pm and then was too excited about hearing Dan's verdict of my blog post to go back to sleep. When I asked him if he had read it he said he hadn't as it took him too long to read. At first I was annoyed as I had asked him nicely to read it for me. He soon confessed that he had in fact read and it and began to smile. He grinned and said "Go for it". I felt a wriggle of excitement. (Dan thought by this point I had been too impatient and already booked it! I don't think he realised how important his judgement and thoughts are to me on this topic). I kept asking Dan to make sure he was being serious.
  Although I was excited and my mind was almost made up, I read another Chiltern Tri members response to my post. This was from Adrian who has completed 5 Ironman's including Ironman Wales. He wrote, "It's a bloody tough race. I did it in 2011 and it was the only Ironman where I got so tired that I nearly fell asleep 1/2 way through the bike course. It was a tough tough ride and the run was the toughest I've done as well...It was 4 laps up a slope out of town and then back down again". (This is the link to his race report; http://www.chilterntri.co.uk/teamannouncements/ironmanwalesadriansracereport. Even the female winner of the 2011 race wrote, "Ironman Wales is by far the toughest Ironman I have done". Futhermore, a fellow competitor with Adrian, who has competed in 12 Ironman's, told him after the event that it made Ironman Lanzarote look easy. (Ironman Lanzarote has been labelled as the hardest of the 25 Ironman events due to its unforgiving volanic bike climbs and heat). Adrian recommended I do Challenge Henley, an Ironman distance event, on the same date as Wales due to the locality of it and due to being an easier course. His statement knocked me back and Dan could see the confusion and worry in my face. When I questioned him about it he just said, "If you put the training in you have nothing to worry about". There was also something inside of me that wanted to tackle this course even more due to its tough reputation. I know it is not much of a comparison but the Snowdonia Slateman was the toughest Olympic distance I have done yet it was the one I enjoyed the most. The difficulty of the course intrigued me. It even made me want it more.
  The last person I was waiting to hear from was my Mum who I had also told to read my latest post. Although my mind was racing I finally got back to sleep which obviously stopped me impatiently waiting for my mums response. I woke up again at 4.30pm with no text from my mum. I decided to ask what she thought, to which she plainly said call me. I don't think I even managed any small talk, I blurted out, "what do you think?" (it was pretty obvious what I was referring to). Mum had a little excitement in her voice when she said that after talking to my Dad that I had their full support even though they were due to be going to Portugal over that weekend (thankfully they hadn't booked their flights). I explained my woes about the extra difficulty of the course. Mum just put me at ease and said they're all going to be hard, it's a bloody Ironman. She then told me to go for it, but be careful, you only have one body.

  The final decision to do my Ironman this year was that I do not have the luxury of being able to afford the travel to another more desirable event elsewhere. Ironman Wales would be my Ironman debut location, it was just a question of what year I was going to do it. Therefore, I cannot avoid the tough course no matter what. I live in the Chilterns, the home of hills so can easily get my legs stronger. I will also factor in some training visits to Wales as I have family down there and my bike will become my new car. When going for a holiday in Devon this summer I will cycle the 130miles from my parents house to our destination. So my decision was made and I am in contact with Adrian, the member who has completed Ironman Wales, for extra advice. All I had to do now was wait till midnight until payday so I could fork out the £440 it costs to enter.

  Whilst at work waiting for midnight to arrive I began thinking about what time I would like to complete the event in. I am not doing Ironman for a time, but I think it is only healthy when training for such an event to have a goal so you can assess your performance. I would also like to know how long I am taking in each discipline so that I do actually cross the line within the cut-off time of 17hrs. The time I was aiming for in Austria was 13hrs or just under. With the difficulty of the course and the smaller training time I have to train I am adding another hour and a half onto this making my desired finish time at 14hr30. My time splits for this are; Swim - 1h15, Bike - 8h, Run - 4h45 and transitions/problems - 30minutes. Although I believe these to be realistic I am not religiously stuck to to them. My estimated timings are just my guideline. At least I will be able to assess my progress against them. If I end up crossing the line in 16h59 it would not bother me in the slightest.

  By 00.30am I was registered for Ironman Wales 2013. Before I read any more scaremongering race reports I clicked submit. I have never really read the terms and conditions of a race entry so intently and couldn't ignore this clause, "I HEREBY ACKNOWLEDGE AND ASSUME ALL OF THE RISKS OF PARTICIPATING IN THIS EVENT. I acknowledge running, bicycling, swimming, and/or other portions of this Event are inherently dangerous and are an extreme test of my physical and mental limits that carries with them the potential for serious bodily injury, permanent disability, paralysis and death". Although this statement mentions death the one word in this condition that made me know I was doing the right thing by signing up was 'test'. Ironman is my test and the decision to do an Ironman earlier than previously intended has made the test more exciting.

IT IS REALLY HAPPENING!

  As soon as I received my confirmation email of registration the nerves kicked in. It is really happening, I had to pinch myself. Although I am scared I also cannot contain my excitement. The grin on my face was huge. I wanted to punch the air.
  After staring at my screen for over 10 minutes I then began to look at the race weekend schedule. The event will be the biggest thing I have ever been involved in and I cannot even began to imagine what the atmosphere will be like. The thought of the EXPO and all the merchandise makes me wriggle with excitement. I do however have a lot of training to do between now and September and only I can put in the hours to get across that line. So I shall be dishing out a message in the next few days to all my friends explaining that I will not be available over summer. I am cutting out drinking (except for a real celebration) and eating properly meaning that the 2 snickers I am having for dinner on my night shifts will have to go. My aim is to lose 2 stone by September which would help the impact when running (my weakest discipline). If I have time other than on a night shift to write this blog then I am not training enough. I should not, apart from on night shifts, be sitting on my arse or watching TV programmes. The only time I should be sitting on anything other than a saddle is at work or when going to sleep. The next four months are going to be tough, very very tough, but if it gets me to be an Ironman then that struggle is worth it.

  I have to say thank you to my parents and Dan for agreeing to support me and giving me the confidence to to sign up for September. I always read in triathlon magazines and forums that a close and understanding support network are vital and this couldn't be more evident right now. I am planning to have the people closest to me there for me in September. I sent a message to my brother and sister saying I was doing my Ironman this year and asked whether they were free. They both want to come and that includes their own families. As well as that my nan who avidly reads my blog may come too (my mum prints the posts out every month and delivers them to her). We are looking at getting a big house so we can all stay over the weekend together. Already I potentially have 13 of my nearest and dearest there to cheer me on. Surely I can use this support to my advantage. Seeing my five nieces and nephew can only spur me on to the finish. I cannot let them or myself down now. September 8th 2013 will be a very emotional day in Wales.

Mad, stupid, unrealistic or ambitious?

  The weekend away in Snowdon was perfect. I felt a great sense of achievement in all I did especially completing the Snowdonia Slateman comfortably in the time I had wanted. However, it was straight back to reality. On returning home on Sunday evening I was at work again on the Monday doing night shifts (back to zombie mode). It was during my first shift back that I began calculating the cost of my road trip around Europe in June 2014 which incorporated my Ironman debut in Austria. I'm not going to go through the costs exactly but it would mean that Dan and I would need to do some serious saving between now and June. Being young we don't have lifetime savings that we can fall back on as we are only just starting to begin saving together.

  The road trip to Europe was never just about becoming an Ironman, it is something Dan and I have always wanted to do. Therefore, we want to do it properly. Yes we probably could save enough to be able to go but for us that isn't enough. We want to be able to be a little reckless with money. I want to be flexible enough so that I could order an overpriced coffee or glass of champagne in Milan, Monaco and Turin without having to budget for it. If we decided to stay in a bar because we love the location and are enjoying the atmosphere of the country I want to be able to afford to get a hotel for the night. I want our Euro trip to be an experience and the gap year I never had. It could be argued the people who go on gap years don't budget for posh Italian coffee and city centre hotels, but I have a taste for the finest in life and I'll work my arse of to at least savour it when I'm touring the countries and cities I have always wanted to see.

  Therefore, I think you can tell that the Euro trip involving Ironman Austria in June 2014 is not going ahead. This does not mean the end of my Ironman dream, far from it. I did look at still doing Austria and travelling there by plane. However, although flights to countries in Europe can be bought relatively cheaply now it is not just myself and Dan I have to get across, there is also my bike. Transporting bikes abroad is an expensive business. First of all there is a bike box (a bike suitcase) to get it across. To ensure it gets across safely I would have to spend at least £400 on the box alone, then there is the excess cost in extra baggage and weight. I would also have to factor in travel to the hotel, and if the hotel is not in the centre of the Ironman expo (where naturally the hotel cost will be more expensive) then there is the constant travel issues to and from. This could easily add up to the amount of the Euro trip! With all this in mind, Ironman for me is just coming much closer to home. So, as I have mentioned there are two Ironman events in the UK. One is located in Bolton and the other in South Wales. No offence to Bolton, but I would chose Wales over Bolton. If it is not evident from my previous post I have a huge amount of love for Wales. I think the scenery is breathtakingly stunning (and I didn't even get to see it from the top of Snowdon). I know Snowdonia is North Wales but last year Dan and I visited South Wales for a long weekend staying in Cardiff and the Brecon Beacons where we did some walking and caving. Although the weather was miserable we loved the trip and it will always be a destination we would happily return to.
  So the location is closer to home now, but what about the date? Ironman Wales is on the 8th September this year, meaning it will be around that date next year. I can estimate it to be the 7th September 2014. As you can work out that is an even longer wait for me to become an Ironman so you could imagine the excitement I felt when I saw that Ironman Wales is still open for registration for 2013. I asked Dan whether he thought I could do it this year if I did an intense training plan from now until September. He said that I would probably do it but if I waited I would do it better. I really tried to push the idea out of my head but I couldn't. When Dan peered over the laptop to see what I was researching on the internet I think he half expected me to be searching hotels in Tenby, Pembrokeshire for 6-9 September this year. He didn't say anything, he just smiled. He knows me too well. Wales is calling me...
  However, I know that Ironman Wales is not an easy course to take on. In fact it is said to be one of the hardest there is. The unforgiving weather is normally a factor into this. Moreover, an Ironman distance triathlon deserves respect. So, I thought I would pose the question to Chiltern Tri, some of whom are already Ironmen, some who are training for one and others who respect it enough to leave it alone but also understand the desire people like me have. It provided a mixed response. My question was "Honest opinions please...mad, stupid, unrealistic or ambitious for Ironman Wales 2013?". Five out of seven said go for it. I was secretly pleased as this is what I wanted to hear. However, I have still not definitely decided and have not disregarded the sound advice the other two members gave me.

  The first response said I was mad and ambitious but that I should go for it. The next was from the fastest swimmer in the club who like me is on an Ironman journey. His journey has lasted 20 months and will end in 6 weeks, his argument is why rush it? Ironman is going nowhere. This was his response, "I started training in triathlon around 2011 October and did a sprint tri early in 2012 (which I won, don't let anyone tell you any different ;)!). Anyway then I did an Olympic in June then half IM July then again in September. This was all preparation for the full ironman. So basically 20 months and I'm doing one in 6 weeks. So I think what's the rush. Why jump into it so quickly, ironman is not going anywhere! It's a different training and its long very long. You sound like your enjoying triathlon but seriously I think can soon hate it if you rush too soon! But only you can make that decision". This is a very valid argument which made me stop in my tracks. Am I rushing it if I did it on September? Another agreed with him.
  The main difference in our journey however, is that although he may be quicker I have been involved in triathlons for longer and competed in more. I have been wanting to step the distances up since I started triathlon. My reply to this was, "I've been doing triathlons for 3 years now, doing sprints and Olympic distances. All of this was with the long term intention of doing an Ironman. To be honest I'm never going to win them or be anywhere near I just like the atmosphere of them. I'm doing my first half in 3 weeks and although it seems like I'm rushing doing the full I'm also getting impatient - I am a woman ;). I have got Ironman in my head and think ill go stir crazy if I have to wait over a year to do a full as well as struggle to keep the intense training up. My quandary is whether to go full out on an intense programme till September this year, see if I still have the bug to do it again bigger and better the year after but at least be an Ironman and then if I then hate it I'll continue with the Olympic distances and improve my speed on them. The other option is to continue slogging (and it does feel like a slog) away until September next year and may end up impatient and fed up of tri altogether". When I read this back I go back to agreeing fully with myself.

  I know Ironman is a long distance to attempt, let alone complete but I believe in myself that I can do it with enough training and once I am committed I would make sure I put the training in. Once my mind is set on something I will get it no matter what. My worry is that the journey will go on too long if I wait for 2014. Ironman will never get out of my head. I NEED to become one so much that I was getting impatient for June 2014's arrival. I have been wishing the next year away until I am on that specific day when I become an Ironman. I'm worried the longer it takes me to become one the more demotivated I will become. I think I would struggle to keep momentum going throughout the next year and a half before September 2014 comes around. I don't want to rush it, I want to savour the journey but I also don't want to lose the moment and excitement either.
  The next three posts on the topic were in favour of me doing Ironman Wales this year. One simply said it was a realistic goal, another wrote, "You've already run a marathon this year, and done plenty of tris. I don't see why you shouldn't aim for ironman in September if it will keep you motivated. Wales is a tough one though!". Gill then finished off perfectly with, "For all the reasons you have given - I think you should go for it. I understand the impatience and the desire to get it done. It is still a very very long way and to be treated with respect!". 

  Furthermore, since originally writing this post another comment has been added and one that I believe has to be agreed with. He states, "Hollie, in a years time if you were to sustain an injury from IM training it could jeopardise our Channel Swim project. Additionally when you've got the urge to do the long distance races (many of us have been there) I completely sympathise. But don't underestimate the extra hours you have to put in particularly for a tough race such as Wales. Just go for it and set your target time one hour longer than you think you can do. Rembemr IM slogan, "Anything is possible". This is a statement powerful for me. I truly believe anything is possible and the whole comment resonates with me. I have much to look forward to in 2014 apart from Ironman such as the DW canoe race and the channel swim (something I have also wanted to complete since I was young). With Ironman accomplished I could give these difficult and different challenges the respect and focus they also deserve. 

  Obviously I am not going to jump in and register alone without the true support of Dan and my parents. I need to discuss it fully with them as doing an Ironman on our own soil would mean I will use the extra support as a huge advantage to my performance. I would love it if my brother and sister and their families could also be there for the much needed boost I will need during the day. I hope if Dan and my parents are reading this it may explain that September is doable and that what I have written will support my case to let me do it and moreover, support me doing it. My main argument is why not? What have I got to lose? I am not doing Ironman for a time, I am doing it to be proud, to challenge myself physically and mentally. If I do it in September I will certainly challenge myself through intense training and during the event. At the end of it I will be able to call myself an Ironman regardless of what time I do it in. From there on in I would have completed my goal and if I get the bug for Ironman I can do a longer term training plan to improve my time in 2014. If I decide it is not something I need or want to do again I have challenged and completed what I have always wanted to do and can continue doing smaller distances, focus on another sport and most importantly focus on something other than Ironman and maybe just try and enjoy life as it is. Maybe I have an obsessive personality, but that is who I am and I am becoming increasingly impatient. Although I believe I am not rushing my Ironman journey, the need the complete an Ironman is becoming increasingly more important and urgent. My only plea now is for Dan and my parents to understand and support me. Despite my previous post stating I play my own cards we all need support especially in Ironman so they would be the sole reason I would not compete this year.

If life's a game, who's the dealer? A weekend in Snowdonia

  After work on the Wednesday I went swimming with the tri club. There was one major reason I was doing this. I wanted to collect my new Chiltern Tri cycling jersey so that I could wear it during the Snowdonia Slateman on the Sunday. I only had enough time to quickly eat some beans on toast for dinner before heading off to swimming. I had intended to take this session easy, but loved being back to length swimming with others that before long I was pushing myself. Thankfully I had packed all my gear for the weekend the night before as when I got home I was knackered. I couldn't wait to sleep that night as it meant I was closer to leaving for Snowdon the following morning.

Thursday



Our cottage; the weather does look pretty foul
but it wasn't raining!

As I mentioned previously Dan could not come for the weekend therefore instead of going alone Dan's parents and his two young sisters joined me. After a military operation of cramming my car full of our gear we were on our way at 10.30am. There was a very important game to be played during the journey and that is 'Eddie Stobart'. This is a game that Phil (Dan's dad) has had the genius to make up. It is a pretty simple game; if you see an Eddie Stobart truck shout out Eddie Stobart. The first person to do so gets the point. There are also different scoring amounts depending on what you see. If you see a trailer that is half a point, if you see a truck and trailer that's point, if you see a car transporter that's five points and for the rarest Stobart, the petrol tanker, of which there is only one in the country, you get 10 points (none of us have ever seen this except for on the Eddie Stobart TV programme - and yes I watch that). You also get a point deducted if you falsely shout. Phil quickly took the lead in the game but his form faltered. At the end of the 4hour journey I had won with 24 Eddie Stobarts to Phil's 22 and Sonia's, Dan's mum, effort of 8 (she saw the car transporter). We got to the cottage at 3pm and were pleasantly surprised with the weather, it was sunny and lovely! I just hoped this would last the whole weekend. The cottage itself as well was perfect.

  Although we felt lethargic I managed to get Sonia to come out for a short 3mile walk to survey the area. When we got back we drove around the beautiful scenery in Snowdonia to go to dinner with Dan's nan who happened to also be staying in Snowdon at the same time. We had some stew and then went back to our cottage to sleep ready for an early start.



My two materialistic babies in Snowdonia; my car (white beauty) and my bike (Sora)


Friday 

A picture when nearing the summit

  Phil and I were out of the door at 8.30am ready for our climb up Mount Snowdon. We got a full English breakfast for some much needed energy and were beginning our ascent up Snowdon by 10am. The weather was perfect (perfect for me when walking means no rain!). We decided to walk up the Pyg track to the summit. This began with some clambering over rocks which didn't really stop until nearing the summit. I was loving it, as I always do when hiking. We both commented how it brings the better side of a person out. People who when put in a different environment or situation wouldn't even acknowledge you do so openly when walking by saying hello and wishing you well. I soon vowed that I needed to start doing more of it again like I used to. As always I was rambling on, but soon realised I should stop babbling on as I wasn't getting any response from Phil. He was focussing on getting up and wasting energy and breath talking wasn't happening for him. As always I began to make a competition. I didn't want to be overtaken and if I overtook someone I had to stay in front.

We were overtaken by a group of three young guys when having a water break and I was not happy about it. They probably were walking around the same pace as us, so when they passed I knew we wouldn't catch them up again. I had to let this one go. As we neared the last 1km to the summit the weather dropped as we ventured into the clouds. I could no longer slow my pace or keep stopping for Phil as it was making me freezing cold so I carried onto the top alone. With about 0.5km to go I saw the three guys who overtook me just in front. I sped up and soon enough had gained enough on them to get past them. The shock and horror on their faces was priceless.

  

  I would say that reaching the summit was euphoric, but I can't. I was pleased to get to the top and felt a sense of achievement but I wasn't amazed. This could have been down to the fact that I could barely see anything in front of me so therefore could not see the reason why many people walk up mountains; the view. But the real reason I thought I wasn't euphoric was that I didn't find it that hard and I don't mean to sound arrogant here. However, I still had a massive grin on my face when at the very top with Phil and I was even more pleased when I realised I reached the summit in 1h30. I think I was more happy for Phil as he had finally made it to the summit after failing to do so due to horrific weather a year ago with his sons.


Phil and I at the top (look at that view haha)

   When in the cafe at the top we bought a Snowdonia Ale to drink when we got to the bottom. In there I also began talking to some guys I passed on the way up about Ironman and this got me geared up so I changed into my trainers and leggings ready to run down. Running was a little difficult on the Pyg track terrain as the majority is small rocks thrown together meaning that you have to jump from one to the other, I felt like I was playing hop scotch. This terrain meant that I had to be careful where I was placing my feet and although I am pretty all-guns-blazing with a lot of things I was being necessarily cautious when running down as Sunday's triathlon was playing in my mind. Although Phil had seen me run off he must've changed his mind as before long he was right behind me. We got many comments from people on the way up questioning if we were in a rush. Phil always replied "I'm just trying to keep up with her". I had a pathetic fall when going down which made Phil gasp, but it was purely because I got lazy with my feet and didn't lift them up enough. It was becoming apparent when going down that my legs were beginning to ache as I was constantly squatting to keep my balance.

  Whilst running down I began to get lost in my own thoughts as I usually do when exercising. I was discussing my previous blog post with myself questioning the constant competition in my life. I was worrying how I came across, as I didn't want to sound like I am disrespectfully comparing myself to my friends lives in the hope that mine is better. I also did not want to sound disrespectful to my friends and family when I said I needed Ironman as my something to live for. Obviously I live for my family, more so than anything, I was merely expressing that Ironman is my release from the ordinary. I came to the conclusion that life is a game and people play it differently. There are no set rules and no decided dealer. I am a Christian and like to believe there is something out there looking over us, but I am my own dealer. I call my own shots. I am not in constant competition I am playing MY game so I can constantly better myself physically and mentally. Moreover, I am playing the game to its full extent to find happiness. If I gain this by owning a Lamborghini then I'll try my hardest to roll the dice so I get it.

Enjoying my celebratory Snowdonia Ale

  We got to the bottom in 1h15 (I felt more shattered after the descent then the ascent!) meaning I had conquered Snowdon in 3h45. Phil was especially pleased with himself and it begged the question if he didn't smoke imagine what an improvement his fitness could make. We enjoyed our Snowdonia Ale whilst admiring the view from Pen-Y-Pass (this is where we parked the car and is home to the start of two major routes up Snowdon). I would come across this location again on Sunday as although it is the beginning of Mount Snowdon it is nowhere near flat! We had a BBQ and some well deserved gin that night.

 

 Saturday

Posing in Betws-Y-Coed

  On Saturday the plan was to register in Llanberis and then recce the bike route. It was instantly noticeable that the Snowdonia Slateman was not a triathlon for a beginner. I normally try and look out for competitors that have similar entry level bikes to me or are overweight but I could see none when registering. This may sound mean but it just puts me at ease as although I do my events for myself I still don't want to be last. I had serious bike envy that day. After getting my registration goodies and the girls being given some cowbells to cheer the competitors we got back in the car to recce the cycle route. I have to admit this was a daunting journey as the route seemed to never end. The roads were just winding around Mount Snowdon. I had The Beatles, 'The Long and Winding Road' stuck in my head as we were driving round. We all agreed when it was finally over it seemed a lot longer that 31 miles.



Messing around in Betws-Y-Coed, I'm so mature

  Although we had a nice day out exploring the lovely town of Betws-Y-Coed I got back feeling very tired pretty down about the day to follow. I was missing Dan from my pre-race nerves and routine and was also worried and annoyed by the severe burning I was feeling in my legs, the effects of the day before. I could obviously not tell Dan this or make an issue out of it as he said I shouldn't have climbed Snowdon anyway with so few days before an event, especially a tough one. I knew that with the killer hills on the bike leg my thighs were not fully rested enough to play to my strength of climbing them. I decided to try and help my legs a little. I had a boiling hot shower, putting the water on my legs to warm my muscles. I then spent half an hour in the shower stretching them out until I could no longer feel any pain when stretching (although this could have been due to my legs being numb from being so hot). After that I decided to give myself a deep tissue massage. I started probing and digging my hands into the bits of my legs that hurt the most. The pain was excruciating, it felt like I was pushing my fingers into an array of painful bruises. When my thumbs were hurting I then began to try and find another implement I could use. I decided to use a glass to imitate a foam roller. I let out a few cries of pain during this hour long trauma session, god knows what Sonia and Phil thought I was doing to myself.

Sunday

  I was up at 7am on the day of the event and completed my pre-race morning ritual. I had my normal banana and porridge despite Dan and Phil trying desperately in vain to make me have a fry up for extra energy. We got to the start in Llanberis and I racked my bike and set my kit up. With 5 minutes before I had to be heading to the waters edge I was told my bike was in the wrong area in transition and had to move it. Although I have competed in many triathlons this was the most organised event I had done. Normally when racking my bike it is just a free-for-all, you just grab a space wherever you can. However, this company had numbers on the racking which correlated to our race number. I then had to move all of my nicely laid kit to another area. All was done quickly enough, something that did play to my familiarity of transition areas, although I hated looking like the novice who got it wrong!

Swim

The location for the freezing cold swim; the lake in Llanberis

  I was in the first wave at 9.30am and five minutes before I was standing with my wetsuit on talking to some other competitors. We all ventured into the freezing cold water 3 minutes before the gun went off. Upon entering it was quickly evident how bloody cold is was in there. I wasn't stupid enough to think it was going to be warm by any means, but this was the coldest open water I had ever been in.

With 2 minutes to go the nerves had gone and I just wanted to get started as my hands and feet were becoming painfully numb. I assessed where to place myself in the water against my fellow competitors in regards to the look of their ability and in relation to how close I was to others as I didn't really fancy getting a smack in the face today. The gun went off and the jet wash began. I didn't have any smacks or swimming over today and it didn't take long to get into my rhythm. At the halfway point I was the leader of the chaser pack and used my sighting ability to my advantage. I swam until I could no longer. A mistake some people took was getting up as soon as they knew they could stand which they then found had the added difficulty of wading through the seaweed. I ran into T1 in 22m52 which put me 173rd out of 828.

Bike

  I took 3m28 in T1 (it's amazing how quick this time goes when your in the moment). I began on the long and winding road. The first part of the cycle route is a long and steep climb up to Pen-Y-Pass. My legs instantly burned from my previous Mount Snowdon endeavours. My bike gears had already started the clicking noise they constantly make. It seems like it is my bikes way of groaning in exhaustion. (I vowed to get a new bike during this moment as it was driving me mad). My bike was in sharp comparison to some of the smooth and top of the range bikes that seemed to be effortlessly pulling past me. I slogged my way up to the top and was rewarded with a nice downhill and then a lovely smooth fast flat road to gain some speed on. When cycling around this amazing part of the world I came to the conclusion that this was a perfect road and place to be a road cyclist. This is why we cycle. However a lot of very good cyclists knew this too. It wasn't long before more people came zooming past me with their sparkly TT bikes and in the tuck aerodynamic position. I just kept thinking to myself I'm doing this for myself, I have nothing to prove, just enjoy it. I did just that. I relished the weather, the views and the love of being involved in my favourite sport. The 31miles surprisingly flew by and I was soon back in Llanberis. As I was on the fast straight to T2 I saw Sonia and the girls stood on the pavement. I waved to them and they all cheered which instantly lifted me up. I got into T2 under schedule in 2h03, clocking 16mph. Although in comparison to some of the awesome riders that were there that day I was pleased with this effort especially as I anticipated finishing the bike in 2h30 due to the hills and my unrested legs.

Run

  I took 1m44 in T2 despite running off in the wrong direction to exit transition. I was feeling good, and although people were overtaking me as many normally do on the run I just wanted to keep plodding on. I knew that if I just kept going as I was I would make my wanted time of 4hours. What I hadn't noticed so much when on the bike was the scorching heat. This was something else I had to factor into my sapping energy. I had heard that the run included a tough climb from the explanation of the route online and from word of mouth when in transition but nothing could have prepared me for what was to come. This how they nicely worded it on the description, "...a left turn will lead to a challenging climb up the zig zags to the large viewpoint". There were too many zig zags to count and challenging is an understatement. The terrain was also slate which felt like you were doing two steps forward and one step back each time. I like the word challenging as I always enjoy a challenge but this was just deceptive. My run turned to a jog and soon after that it turned to a hike. No one around me by this point was running or jogging. We were all just slogging our way up to the top any way we could. I was getting increasingly dehydrated and was gasping for some water. (When I do this event next year I will remember to take a water bottle with me). When I finally neared the top I exclaimed out loud 'water' to which the man to my left offered his water bottle to me. I thanked him but merely explained that I hoped what I saw in front of me was not a mirage. I downed 5 cups of water and began to run again. Funnily enough the large viewpoint was the last thing on my mind! The rest of the route was lovely and thankfully shaded. It was an off road route through the woods. Although the hills were not over I thoroughly enjoyed the undulating and change of terrain throughout the route. Despite clocking the mileage on my watch I was still shocked how quickly the run was over. As I crossed the road back towards the park, I could see the finishing straight. At 400metres to the finish I saw a guy who was on the floor in agony with cramp. I shouted well done to him and encouraged him to finish the race off. He then proceeded to thank me whilst overtaking me. How dare he I thought, so I began my sprint finish. After as much overtaking you can do in 300m we crossed the line at the same time. I shook his hand and he thanked me again. I finished feeling relieved and also happy I helped pick someone up when despite their pain had more to give. I got a well done hug from Phil and was immediately text my time by the triathlon company. I had done the event comfortably, unrested and enjoyed it in 3h57. I couldn't have been happier, the perfect end to a perfect weekend. I just wished Dan and my parents were there too.

  When we were driving back to the cottage the girls were saying that I was the best cyclist out of everyone and asked whether I was the winner. Obviously I was nowhere near receiving a medal or trophy for the event but I replied saying that everyone who crossed the line was a winner. I sure felt like it. You can't help but love a child's innocence.

  We left for home after I had showered and resumed Eddie Stobart. When we were almost home Phil saw the petrol tanker and that was game over (I think this may have perfected the weekend for Phil as he had been wanting to see it for years). I had to admit defeat as his 10 points ended my Eddie Stobart lead. In this game there was nothing I could do to win. This was one game I could not be the dealer on.



Me sporting the Chiltern Tri gear for the first time as a winner

Suffer, reward and how it all started

  So, despite what I said in my last post, I have decided to do another blog before the Snowdonia Slateman this weekend. As my physical love for Ironman and triathlon grows I have started reading autobiographies, biographies and other books on the topic. Furthermore, I am being frequently asked why I am deciding to do an Ironman. I have tried to tackle this question before and I still don't know how to really answer and explain why. I merely say, "I don't know, it's just something I want to do before I die". I remember first hearing about Ironman when watching the father and son Hoyt family compete but I cannot pin point when it became something I envisioned I could actually do. For years it was just something I thought about and wanted to do but saw it as an impossible a task. I am not, and never would be, naturally fit enough to complete that I thought to myself (how my attitude has changed). When I began to get a severe knee injury I had to dash the thought far away from my mind and come to realisation it was never going to happen...

Dave Scott, reigning Ironman champion, (left) during 'IronWar'
in 1989. Mark Allen (right) was desperate to take his crown.

  The book I am currently reading may help explain why I and many others take on Ironman. Matt Fitzgerald's 'Iron War' is the account of Dave Scott and Mark Allen's Ironman battle. These athletes were fierce rivals for over a decade in Ironman. Mark Allen was desperate to beat the reigning and seemingly unbeatable Dave Scott at Ironman for years, until eventually he did so in 1989. However, it was no easy feat. They battled against each other side by side for eight hours straight at breakneck speed. Allen only beat Scott by a mere 58seconds. It has since been named the greatest race of all time. The story looks at the men individually, analysing their childhood and personal life to get and understanding of these men and the incredible 'war' that they faced.
  The author includes sociologist, Mike Atkinson's research into why athletes decide to do triathlons. Although others have tackled this topic Atkinson's work was the first to offer a different solution as to the reasonings behind competing in triathlon. In his paper 'Triathlon, Suffering, and Exciting Significance', Atkinson believes that triathlon is a 'pain community'. In Allen and Scott's case he says that they had cultivated an inexhaustable appetite for a certain kind of suffering and this is done through  human physical endurance. At first I wasn't convinced by Atkinson's theory, I didn't think that I do triathlons for pain and suffering. I do them for the reward - the euphoric feeling of crossing the line. However, would the finish line be a reward if it was easy? Of course not! I put myself out of my comfort zone, make myself feel sick from physical exertion on a daily basis in order to get that euphoric and overwhelming sense of reward and pride. So maybe I do like the suffering (not at the time) as it makes the end goal so much more satisfying and worthwhile. Fitzgerald writes, "People weep at triathlon finish lines. Strong grown men who shed tears nowhere else do so openly at triathlon finish lines. People lift their arms and faces to the sky and shout at the top of their lungs. Some speak in tongues. At triathlon finish lines people allow themselves to do things they never do in the rest of their lives because they feel something they never feel in the rest of their lives. Something that not only rewards all the suffering but makes all the suffering rewarding".
  Although athletes, including myself, push our physical and mental boundaries for our own satisfaction it would be wrong to think that we do these tough events purely for our own merit. Humans beings are competitive. It takes some self-confidence, which may be wrongly seen as arrogance, for me to say that I completely agree with Atkinson. I do these events so I can look better in comparison to others. If someone challenged me to something, or did something harder, I would step it up.  (You can understand why it is good Dan doesn't do triathlons). If Ironman is no longer seen as such an impressive feat of endurance in the years to come due to popularity then people will make them longer and harder. Mike's work in the triathlon community led him to the conclusion that 'the need to suffer stems from an underlying need to feel special and above one's neighbours'. We constantly compare ourselves against others and are happier when we compare favourably. Driving a better car than someone else is satisfying. Having a better job or lifestyle is satisfying. However, proving you are tougher than a sedentary neighbour by completing a triathlon, particularly an Ironman, is more satisfying because it says more than the car does about who you are. Being a triathlete or Ironman almost becomes your personality and identity. Being called an Ironman and known as one would mean more to me than driving a Lamborghini, eating caviar, drinking champagne and being on the rich list. (Of course if I end up having it all then life would be complete). Fitzgerald writes, "A person needs to be tough to survive in this world. It is a great comfort to the soul to know that one is tougher, more courageous, more capable of enduring suffering than the next person. And the only way to know this is to prove ones capability is in a socially recognised way". Triathlon is just that. Ironman is a legal way to prove toughness.
  There is of course an inate personality trait in all of us. Some will have a weaker sense of competitiveness compared to another, mine is obviously on the higher end of the scale. I am constantly trying to better myself personally or better myself in comparison to another. However, despite all this I am not constantly competing in life and am far from arrogant or self-righteous. I do not merely do triathlons as a personal gain over another. I, like many others athletes, compete in challenging events as some sort of escape from the ordinary. Training for my Ironman goal lets me get away from challenges of life. It makes me stop fretting about work, money and bills. I think everyone needs somewhere or something that can make them do this. Everyone needs to be able to switch off from the struggles they face on a daily basis. Without sounding melodramatic, everyone needs something to live for. (I don't want any of my friends or family to mistake this for me being depressed). Mine at this present moment in time is Ironman. The NEED to complete my eventual goal is my escape. I feel great when I am training and in my fittest state and don't feel myself if I miss a session. The endorphines I gain from working out is something I crave. With me I am either pushing myself to near physical exhaustion with work, training and a strict nutrition plan or I am the opposite. When I am the opposite I am not nice to be around and once I am on that track it's hard to get the kick in the arse I need to get back into my strict routine.
  On a personal note, I know that I am fit enough to do the Exmoor half Ironman in 3 weeks. I haven't lost any fitness but I also haven't made any massive gains in the last few weeks (that I know of). I am on a learning curve and will get another crack at the 70.3 distance in September when I tackle the Dartmoor middle distance triathlon. There is no more I can do now in preparation for Exmoor except for enjoy the ride up to it and I am doing just that. I am already feeling the anticipation and excitement and with Ironman being the biggest and most well known triathlon event I have ever been involved in I cannot wait to feel the atmosphere at such a prestigious event.

  With all this said I am going to finish on how it all started. At a triathlon awards ceremony in Oahu, Hawaii, in 1977, John Collins, a keen triathlete, was complaining with his other competitors that their triathlons were too short. After some beers had been consumed the old argument of who were the tougher athletes (note not the better or faster) broke out; the runners or the swimmers. The runners naturally took the side of runners, and the few swimmers present defended their breed. John, a keen cyclist argued that cyclists deserved consideration too. The debate eventually evolved into a brainstorming session for ways to prove which type of athlete was truly the toughest. John suggested that a race combining Oahu's 2.4 mile Wahiki Roughwater Swim, 112 mile Round the Island Bike Race, and the Honolulu Marathon should do the trick. He finished saying, "Whoever won that ought to be called Iron Man". Note again that the name does not describe the most gifted or fittest, it is a title that describes the toughest competitor, the one who can bear the most pain. The best sufferer. The Hawaii Ironman is still considered the toughest Ironman, and not only that you have to qualify to get into it. This is an Ironman course I will never get to see but the feats of the Iron men and women that have come before should always be remembered. Without their need for suffering and escape from their boring lives there would be no ambition for all us aspiring Iron men. So thank you to the first triathletes 30 years ago for rebelling against your ordinary lives. 

Getting my mojo back and Snowdonia Slateman anticipation

  It has been such a long time since I last posted a blog that I have forgotten what has happened in between. I know that it has been a busy and mixed few weeks. I would love to say it was mainly busy due to training but that is not the case. I have been trying to do the one thing that does not mix with triathlon, especially Ironman, and that is a social life. Whilst I was training itently I began to miss people, my friends, family and thought I craved some sort of life outside of triathlon. So in my days off I planned for people to come and visit me. In hindsight I underestimated how it takes to get the flat in a visitor clean state, go shopping and get ready before guests arrive, therefore my training plan fell through. It is also difficult to just get up and leave guests if I want to go for a run or swim. Most importantly it is hard to schedule training around friends and family visits. After not seeing them for so long there is much to catch up and laugh about and you just cannot plan to stop talking to loved ones when your having fun (as well as looking rude if you did). I have since found out I like my triathlon life and crave getting back to 'normality'.
  I am not going to go into a day by day account of what I have been doing over the last 3 weeks as firstly I cannot remember and secondly it would be intensely boring to read. I do however admit I have found it difficult mentally and physically to train during this time. I still feel the low after an event and due to my busy schedule it has been difficult to get myself back into a structured plan again. I have also realised I am like many athletes who gets grumpy and sad through lack of exercise. It is my drug and fix. However, this does not mean I have done nothing as that is far from the truth, but I have just had to put training around my activities and work as opposed to the other way round. As well as having my parents and some friends round I have also done some overtime at work. Therefore I have been doing the thing I always wanted to do more of; incorporate working with training and going for a run during my lunch break and I have had some recent success with these runs. The first run I did since the London Marathon I went with Andy, my run partner at work. My parents and I had a few laughs about this trip when they came round a few days after. I apologise in advance for my swearing, but Andy is a fucking fast runner. His casual pace is almost my sprint. I know I am no natural runner, but if I have learnt anything about my running ability and confidence during all my events in comparison to others is that I am not awful. However, Andy is in another league. It was my suggestion that we go for a run and I was looking forward to getting out running again after the success of the marathon and asked him the day before about it. He had said he was going to have to take it easy as his achilles was playing up. That was definitely no problem with me...if he had meant it. I do really enjoy our little runs, it is nice once in a while to have some company. I do however have one issue. I struggle to keep up with Andy even when he slows down for me so you can imagine how hard I struggle when he keeps asking questions and I keep replying. As you all should know I do not stop talking and as the majority of the conversation is focussed on triathlon and sporting events, something I obviously love to discuss, by mile one I am quite literally blue in the face due to talking. I really enjoy the runs but I cannot handle the pace and the chat. My mum found this story very amusing. She also wanted me to mention Andy more in the blog as she thinks it is very nice how he slows down just so that we can run together. So from me and my mum thank you Andy! I do enjoy the runs but maybe next time I'll only reply in one word answers so I at least have a small chance of keeping up with him and surviving. The last mile of this run however I wasn't merely suffering with lack of breath, I was also struggling with the recurring ITB band pain in my knee. The sharp stabbing sensation meant that I was reduced to walking for a short while. It didn't last long however as I beat myself up for doing so. There was a another reason why I stopped and it was because I wanted Andy to run ahead as I knew I was holding him up far too much. A positive note on his behalf, his achilles had recovered as he was getting little to no pain. I didn't pay much attention to the time I got as I had to stop but it wasn't awful, around 35 minutes.

  In the week following this session I went on a run on all of my lunch breaks. The postitive of this was that I every day I was getting my time down. The first time I did it I broke a PB for that route doing 3.5miles in 33minutes. This was the May bank holiday and the weather was lovely which meant the park I run around was heaving. It also brought some more runners out. I spotted one ahead of me and thought I could overtake him, he obviously didn't like it and within a minute he had sped up to take me again. This carried on until he stopped, previously planned or unintentional I don't know but I felt sick by the end of the battle for pushing it. It must've looked like a right spectacle for the sunbathers. At the end I did my compulsory sprint to the finish stopping the stopwatch at 33m20s. I went again the next day and was determined as I rounded the final 400m to get it to 32 minutes, I again made myself be on the brink of sickness when I sprinted for the time and clocked 31m59s. The next time I was at work I did it in 31m20s. They may not look like massive feats but it is improvement. Although there are only seconds between them this type of improvement so quick is quite high, especially for me, so I am not expecting such quick time shavings of my next but I would eventually like to get the route down to 25minutes. Throughout the 2 weeks I have kept up my spinning and swimming sessions but due to work, commitments and a bout of sickness I haven't made it to Chiltern Tri pre-marathon. I also had to cancel going to the 80mile bike ride Dan and I had planned to do in Cheddar due to costs, time and other plans (my parents came over that weekend).

  Well despite the seemingly useless 2 weeks I have had some successes and look forward to getting my mojo back. I am going to Snowdonia on Thursday to compete in the Snowdonia Slateman, an Olympic distance triathlon ; 1000m:51km:11km. This will be my first open water triathlon of the season and I am so excited. I cannot wait to be in my wetsuit getting the pre-race nerves and anticipation. Dan is unable to come as he has a course. This is something I am really upset about as it was meant to be holiday of ours. I have booked a lovely 2-bed cottage in the middle of Snowdon for 5 days. We were also planning to walk to the top of Snowdon as although I did it on my dads back when I was a child, it is something we both haven't done officially despite Dan nearly doing it last year with his family. Instead I am climbing it with Dan's dad as some of his family is coming with me so I am not alone in a massive cottage and have some support during the triathlon. I also plan to, despite Dan saying it is too much to do 2 days before a triathlon, trail run down Snowdon. I will quick walk up in my walking boots and carry my trainers in my backpack then once I have admired the view at the top I shall swap the shoes round and run down. Although running down seems like more effort I actually find it has less impact on my knees and joints. Walking downhill hurts my ankles and the technique of trail running downhill hurts a lot less.
  I go to Snowdon on Thursday morning and apart from work and some small exercise on the lead up to this date I have nothing planned so I shall write the next update after my triathlon next Sunday. I am expecting this one to be a tough one due to the location and the tempermental weather in Wales but am looking forward to a challenge (which is good as Exmoor half Ironman is only 34 days away now!). I will miss Dan's face during the race as although he hasn't been to many of my events this year this one is quite an important one for me and I want him there. So lets home Dan's parents and his two young sisters support is strong enough to get me round (I have no doubt it will be).